LEIBER'S LAW

"In good times, magicians are laughed at. They're a luxury of the spoiled wealthy few. But in bad times, people will sell their souls for magic cures and buy perpetual motion machines to power their war rockets."- Fritz Leiber, "Poor Superman," quoted by Paul McAuley​

MARIBEL'S MAXIM

"If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got."
- Maribel Martinez, February 13th, 2015.

DORNBUSCH'S LAW OF ECONOMICS

"In economics, things take longer to happen than you think they will, and then they happen faster than you thought they could." - Economist Rudiger Dornbusch

THE FIRST LAW OF WEATHER TWITTER

"The quantity of nonsense increases with wind speed." - Overheard at a weather conference in 2018

GILL's 19TH LAW

Pipes at home leak and burst and start flooding five minutes after everyone has left for the day to go to work.  Pipes at the workplace burst and leak and start flooding five minutes after everyone has left for the day to go home.

BELL'S LAW

If truth were the order of the day, it would be our last day. 
- Radio talk show host Art Bell, 3/11/1999

HOPPER'S OBSERVATION

"The middle of 'Life' is 'If'."
-Attributed to Dennis Hopper.

KARL'S LAW

"Like my grandmother used to say, dog don't howl if he has a bone."
- Karl Schweda, in Paul McAuley's novel "Something Coming Through," last paragraph of Chapter 42.

DOUG GOTTLIEB'S LAW

"Things don't happen in a vacuum, and that's a good thing, because vacuums suck." - Doug Gottlieb, Fox Sports Radio, said on his show @GottliebShow on May 16, 2017. 

BOYD'S LAW

"Only people who know an awful lot know how little they know." - Anne Boyd*
*Source: https://twitter.com/theparsley/status/1027954053089832963

GARCIA'S FIRST LAW

"You ain't gonna learn what you don't wanna know." 
- Jerry Garcia

GILL'S 89TH LAW

"Cows may come and cows may go, but bull goes on forever." - Tom Gill, sometime in 2017.

LAW'S LAW

Experience is a hard teacher, because she gives the test first and the lesson afterward.  
-Vernon Law,  Major League Baseball pitcher

NELSON'S OBSERVATION

The early bird gets the worm, 

but the second mouse gets the cheese.

- Willie Nelson

DePAUL'S ADMONITION

"The past is another country, and there's no guarantee of cordial diplomatic relations."  
- Elizabeth DePaul, in Robert Charles Wilson's novel Last Year, p. 167.

McLEAN'S EXPLANATION

"A global pandemic is a reasonably satisfactory reason to expect a different level of productivity."- Craig McLean, Assistant Administrator of NOAA Oceanic and Atmospheric Research, in a memo to employees on 3/28/2020. [From a social media post by Leslie Hartten]

Life During Wartime- Pandemic Edition

For the last several weeks, for what should be obvious reasons, the song "Life During Wartime" by Talking Heads- what is widely considered an early New Wave/funk-rock classic- has been playing in my mind.

I've come up with my own new set of lyrics to it, to match our present crisis.  Submitted for your consideration.

Life During Wartime

Music and lyrics by David Byrne et al.: new lyrics by Tom Gill, 3/22/2020

Heard of a van that is loaded with facemasks,
Packed up and ready to go
Heard of some gravesites, out by the highway,
A place where nobody knows

The city’s quiet, the roads deserted,
I'm getting used to it now
Lived in a brownstone, lived in a ghetto,
I've heard they’ve all been locked down

This ain't no party, this ain't no nightclub,
This ain't no fooling around
Too close for dancing, or lovey dovey,
I’m social distancing now

They got some test kits, they swabbed my nostrils
Hope for an answer some day
I got exposed at a couple of places,
You better just stay away.

Down at the Costco, the trucks are loading,
the Charmin big mega roll
I sleep at my jobsite, I work remotely,
I might not ever leave home

This ain't no party, sure ain’t no spring break,
This ain't no fooling around
There ain’t no South By, or no March Madness,
Ain’t got no time for that now

Heard about Wuhan? Heard of that cruise ship?
How many cases today?
You oughta know not to open the window
Somebody sneeze on you there

I got some groceries, some sanitizer,
To last til April or May
But I ain't got no Netflix, ain’t got no Kindle,
Ain't got no X-box to play

Why stay in college? Why go to night school?
Gonna be all taught online
Can't tweet on Twitter, can't send no email,
I ain't got time for that now

State parks are roadblocked, trouble at trailheads,
Trying to keep away crowds
We’re jogging fire roads, we're jumping fencelines,
I know that that ain't allowed

We dress in PJs, we dress like hazmats,
Forego the suit and the tie
I’ve missed my haircuts, so many times now,
I don't know what I look like!

You make me shiver, I feel some fever,
I’d better self-quarantine
Don't get exhausted, is that you coughing?
You might have Covid-19

Bricked all my notebooks, what good’s my Chromebook?
They won't help me survive
My chest is tightening, getting pneumonia,
it tells me I’m still alive

KELLY'S BARREL OBSERVATION

"Empty barrels make the most noise."  
Ascribed for many years as a "Swedish proverb" or "Yiddish insult."  Used multiple times by White House Chief of Staff Gen. John Kelly, as in press briefing on 10/19/17 and in a statement made to Fox News on 9/12/2017.

POWELL'S ADVICE

"Tell me what you know.  Then tell me what you don't know. Then tell me what you think. Always distinguish which is which."- Colin Powell

SHATNER'S LAW

"There's only one problem flying by the seat of your pants.  Sometimes you end up naked." -William Shatner, in TV GUIDE , August 22, 2016