Actual Patents

An old TOM GILL PREDICTS, preserved in an old archived USENET post

The following are actual items, devices and/or processes recently submitted
to the United States or British patent offices for patenting.

   AUTOMATIC TOILET-LID LOCK.  To prevent unauthorized access to the toilet
   bowl.  (U.S. Patent 3,477,070)

   WHISPER SEAT.  Toilet seat with acoustical liner which prevents sounds
   from being heard by other persons.  (U.S. Patent 3,593,345)

   COMBINATION DEER-CARCASS SLED AND CHAISE LOUNGE.  (U.S. Patent 3,580,592)

   EYEGLASS FRAME WITH ADJUSTIBLE REAR VIEW MIRRORS.  (U.S. Patent
   3,423,150)

   FLUID-STREAM-OPERATED ZIPPER.  For men.  (U.S. Patent 3,517,423)

   POWER-OPERATED POOL CUE STICK.  (U.S. Patent 3,495,826)

   CARRY-ALL HAT.  A hat with a cavity for carrying cosmetics, jewelry, and
   the like.  (U.S. Patent 3,495,575)

   SIMULATED FIREARM WITH PIVOTALLY MOUNTED WHISKY GLASS.  Pulling the
   trigger pivots the glass toward the wielder's mouth.  (U.S. Patent
   3,450,403)

   BABY-PATTING MACHINE.  Battery-powered device for putting a baby to sleep
   by means of periodic pats on the rump.  (U.S. Patent 3,552,388)

   ELECTRONIC SNORE DETECTOR.  Snores are detected and the snorer receives
   an electric shock.  (U.S. Patent 3,480,010)

   PHOTON PUSH-PULL RADIATION DETECTOR FOR USE IN CHROMATICALLY SELECTIVE
   CAT FLAP CONTROL AND 1,000 MEGATON, EARTH-ORBITAL PEACEKEEPING BOMB.
   (U.K.  Patent 1,426,698)  "To detect the difference in the colour of the
   fur on the back of a cat wishing to gain entrance to a house by means of
   a `chromatically selective cat flap,' to thus admit to the house a cat
   which has GINGER fur but not admit a cat which possesses BLACK fur; and
   to provide, in an Earth Orbital 1,000 Megaton Complete Disintegration or
   CND Bomb Automatic Reprisal Satellite Bomb, forming part of an Automatic
   Response Nuclear Deterrent System, or ARNDS System for short (as
   described in U.K. Patent No. 1,361,962, `MEANS FOR DETECTING WITH
   CERTAINTY WHETHER A NUCLEAR ATTACK HAS BEEN MADE.')"

   HEMMORHOID TREATMENT PREPARATION PRODUCED FROM HOT CHERRY PEPPERS.
   (U.S.  Patent 3,781,424)  "This new composition of matter, a soft solid
   residue of `Capsicum annum,' is intended for oral administration in
   various forms and prescribed doses to human beings suffering from
   hemmorhoids.  Hemmorhoids are not known to exist in other animals than
   humans, therefore it is intended as a hemmorhoidals remedy for the relief
   of hemmorhoids in mankind."


Source: "Tom Gill Predicts," Volume VII, Number xviii.