CLASSIFIED ADS

This week we revisit TOM GILL PREDICTS-  Volume Fifteen, Number Twenty-Eight from December 3, 2000.
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These items were supposedly taken from actual classified ads in newspapers in the 1990s.  Forwarded originally by Kathy Bachman.
  
    
    FREE PUPPIES:
    
    1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
    
    1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
    
    _____________________
    
    FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER
    
    8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG
    
    _____________________
    
    FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD -
    
    PART STUPID DOG
    
    _____________________
    
    GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 LBS.
    
    NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
    
    _____________________
    
    FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
    
    LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
    
    BEEN OUT AWHILE...
    
    _____________________
    
    1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -
    
    $850/offer
    
    _____________________
    
    AMANA WASHER $100
    
    OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR
    
    WHO SELDOM WASHED.
    
    _____________________
    
    SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
    
    ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
    
    _____________________
    
    2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
    
    1 5-FINGER, 1-3-FINGER, PAIR: $15
    
    _____________________
    
    COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
    
    ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
    
    _____________________
    
    NORDIC TRACK $300
    
    HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBIE
    
    _____________________
    
    SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA -
    
    FREE CHOPSTICKS
    
    _____________________
    
    HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
    
    "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
_________________________________
    
    GET A LITTLE JOHN:
    
    THE TRAVELING URINAL THAT
    
    HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
    
    _____________________
    
    HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
    
    _____________________
    
    GEORGIA PEACHES
    
    CALIFORNIA GROWN -
    
    89 cents lb.
    
    _____________________
    
    NICE PARACHUTE:
    
    NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
    
    SLIGHTLY STAINED
    
    _____________________
    
    FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
    
    _____________________
    
    AMERICAN FLAG
    
    60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED
    
    $100
    
    _____________________
    
    TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
    
    WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
    
    STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
    
    _____________________
    
    EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
    
    QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175
    
    _____________________
    
    OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
    
    AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
    
    _____________________
    
    JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
    
    MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300
    _____________________
    
    LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
    
    _____________________
    
    ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
    
    FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
    
    _____________________
    
    GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
    
    _____________________
    
    OPEN HOUSE
    
    BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
    
    FREE COFFEE & DONUTS.
    
    _____________________
    
    FOR SALE BY OWNER
    
    Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45  volumes.
    
    Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer.
    
    No longer needed.
    
    Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.