PENGUINS

Did you ever wonder what happens to dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?

Wonder no more!!!

It is a known fact that penguins are very ritualistic birds which live extremely ordered and complex lives.

A penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in  the ice, using their wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.


  The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

                        "Freeze a jolly good fellow."


Then they kick him in the ice hole.
  You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you!

The South (USA), Explained.

(Author: apparently an unknown Southerner.  This was circulating around the Internet by email more than a decade ago.) 

The difference between the North and South at last, clearly explained....

The North has Bloomingdale's , the South has Dollar General .

 The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses .

 The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

 The North has switchblade knives; the South has .45's

 The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

 The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races .

 North has Cream of Wheat , the South has grits.

 The North has green salads, the South has collard greens .

 The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish .

 The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt .

 FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . ....

 In the South : --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

 Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store... Do not buy sushi at this store..

 Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive.

 Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

 Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

 Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

 The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper .

 Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here..

 If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

 If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

 Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mommas taught them how to aim.

 In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits. (I don't think that last one's completely accurate, but it's dang sure funny!)