AN OLD FARMER'S ADVICE

              (Well-known, but author unknown.)

• Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
• Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
• Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
• A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
• Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
• Meanness don't jus' happen overnight.
• Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
• Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
• It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
• You cannot unsay a cruel word.
• Every path has a few puddles.
• When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
• The best sermons are lived, not preached.
• Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen, anyway.
• Don't judge folks by their relatives.
• Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
• Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
• Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
• Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
• Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
• The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every morning.
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
• If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
• Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly: Leave the rest to God.

THOUGHTS STOLEN FROM MANY

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you... but it's still on my list.

Some people appear bright, until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up: we only learn how to act in public.

World War III will not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is understanding a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting tomatoes in a fruit salad.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.  To steal from many is research.

I didn't say it was your fault: I said I was blaming you.

When filling out an application, where it says "in case of emergency, please notify," I put "Doctor."

You don't need a parachute to skydive once. You need a parachute to skydive twice.

Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

Describe yourself in three words: "Lazy."

I missed you!  But my aim is improving.

On the other hand, I have four fingers and a thumb.

I got a new coat for my wife.  I think it was a fair swap.

I'd like to help you out.  Which way did you come in?

A friend in need is a friend to avoid.

I thought I had child-proofed my house, but they keep getting in!

Good to the last drop.  What's wrong with the last drop?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.  If the doctor is sexy, keep the apple away.

I haven't slept for ten days.  That would be way too long to sleep.

A Message From Mickey Moose