PONDERISMS

* If you attempt to rob a bank you won't have any trouble with rent/food bills for the next 10 years, whether or not you are successful.

 

* Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

 

* What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

 

* If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

 

* Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

 

* Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

 

* Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

 

* Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

 

* The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".

 

* Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

 

* 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

 

* Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

 

* If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.

 

* Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.

 

* If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

 

* If 2/2/2222 falls on a Tuesday, we'll just call it "2's Day".

 

 

 

MY FAVORITE ANIMAL

The teacher asked me what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”
She said that wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.  My parents told me to always tell the truth.  I did.  I love fried chicken.  I told my mother what happened, and she said my teacher probably really loved animals too.  I love animals, especially chicken, pork, and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.  I told him what happened, and he laughed too.  Then, he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class, my teacher asked me what my favorite LIVE animal was.   I told her it was the chicken.  She asked me why, so I told her it was you could kill it, pluck off its feathers, and fry it…   She sent me back to the principal’s office.  He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand.  My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher punishes me when I am.  Today, my teacher asked what famous person I admired most.

I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”
Guess where I am now?

AMAZING SEA STORY

(From an email chain letter: Origin unknown.)

Let's see what  day is it? What month is it? What season is it? What year is it? What century is it?  Where am I?  No, it's not dementia, it just depends where on the ship you happened to be.   Interesting little story.

   

 
The passenger  steamer SS Warrimoo was quietly knifing its way through the waters of the  mid-Pacific on its way from Vancouver to Australia. The navigator had just  finished working out a star fix and brought the master, Captain John Phillips,  the result. The Warrimoo's position was LAT 0º 31' N and LON 179 30' W.   The date was 31 December 1899. 

"Know what this  means?" First Mate Payton broke in, "We're only a few miles from the  intersection of the Equator and the International Date Line!"

Captain Phillips  was prankish enough to take full advantage of the opportunity for achieving  the navigational freak of a lifetime.  He called his navigators to the  bridge to check & double check the ships position.  He changed course  slightly so as to bear directly on his mark.  Then he adjusted the engine  speed. The calm weather & clear night worked in his favor.  

At mid-night the  SS Warrimoo lay on the Equator at exactly the point where it crossed the  International Date Line! The consequences of this bizarre position were many:  

The bow of the  ship was in the Southern Hemisphere & in the middle of summer.  

The stern was in  the Northern Hemisphere & in the middle of winter.  

The date in the  aft part of the ship was 31 December 1899.  

In the bow  (forward) part it was 1 January 1900. 

This ship was  therefore not only in two different days, two different months, two different  years, and two different seasons, but it was also in two different centuries -  all at the same time.