SIX MANAGEMENT LESSONS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW: #3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

'Me first! Me first!’ says the clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’

and Poof! She’s gone.

‘I'm next! I'm next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of rum and the love of my life.’

Poof! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office in an hour.’

THE LESSON: Always let the boss have the first say.

SIX MANAGEMENT LESSONS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW: #2

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.

It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

SIX MANAGEMENT LESSONS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW: #1

This has been going around the Internet for a while...
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1. A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Mark, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Mark says, ‘I’ll give you 200 dollars to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Mark, after a few seconds, Mark hands her $200 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Mark the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the 200 bucks he owes me?’

MORAL OF THE STORY:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

MURPHY'S OTHER 15 LAWS (Author Unknown)

MURPHY'S OTHER 15 LAWS 

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

 

 3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

 

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.   

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.  

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. 

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from Saskatchewan would be stupid enough to try to pass them. 

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. 

11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first. 

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. 

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. 

14. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark. 

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.