DEEP THOUGHTS FROM KIDS

Adapted from TOM GILL PREDICTS Vol. 15 no. 5- September 2000, from material contributed by Jeanette Martin that had been circulating around the Internet back then.

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From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to provide Deep Thoughts.
       
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? --Age 15
  
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13
  
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for
the long weekends. --Age 8
  
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any ol' person vote. --Age 10
  
Home is where the house is. --Age 6
  
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. --Age 6
  
My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn
eternally-- but I didn't want to upset him. --Age 10
  
I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of  the Constitution. I tell   Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table.  I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder.  We spend the rest of the night burping.
  --Age 15
  
When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again.  But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. --Age 5
  
I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower. --Age 11
  
I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that the wet paint is a big fresh water lake that is the only source of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died. --Age 13
  
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day.  At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. --Age 7
  
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. --Age 15
  
It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident.  No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood  would be right there. --Age 5
  
Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then,imagine if you had that many Twinkies.  Wow, that's five more than the biggest number could come up with! --Age 6
  
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" --Age 15
  
Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them, right? --Age 15
  
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. --Age 15

'Twas Two Nights Before Christmas (A Visit from St. Kaeper-Nick)

In honour of tonight's last regular-season San Francisco 49ers home football game at Candlestick Park.

'Twas two nights before Christmas, out at Candlestick Park,
And the football game started as day became dark.
The Faithful were hungry, their cheeks were all pinched,
In hopes that a playoff berth soon would be clinched;
The fans they were nestled all snug in their seats,                               
While the owners saw titles from up in their suites.
And Mom in her jersey, and I in my best,
Had just settled in for the last home contest,
When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.
Down to the railing I flew with my beer,
Wide opened my eyes, and let out a cheer.
The lights shining down like a brilliant white flame,
Gave the luster of mid-day to the start of the game;
And off from the sidelines running out did arise,
My starting offense, they were massive big guys,
With a confident driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it was St. Kaeper Nick.
More rapid than Falcons his coursers arrayed,
And he whistled, and shouted, and call'd out the plays:
"Now! Davis, now! Gore now!  Iupati and Goodwin!
"On!  Staley and Crabtree!  on!  Boldin and Dixon!;
"To the shifting formation! To the snap of the ball!
"Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So down to the red-zone the coursers they flew,
With the squad in perfection and St. Kaepernick too:
And then in a twinkling, I heard the crowd roar
As they crossed past the goal-line and a touchdown was scored.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
the Gold Rush girls cheered and the foghorn did sound:
The din just got louder and bounced off of each rafter,
As Dawson’s sure foot put up through the point after;
The defence it smothered the Falcons attack,
And they look'd more ferocious with each tackle and sack:
Their eyes — how they focused! Their blocks- how they stung!
Their hits on Atlanta chimed like bells that were rung!
And the offense was run like a well-tuned machine,
Each sweep and off-tackle, every post route and screen;
Our special teams shone as we knew that they would,
As we stuffed their return-men and our field goals were good!
With their confident faces, and their gaits all a swagger,
They ran up the score as if twisting a dagger.
Harbaugh focused and manic, a right confident elf,
And I laugh'd when I saw him in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He led them to win it, focused straight on his work,
When the game clock ran out he then turn'd with a jerk,
And pumping his fist, a victorious man,
And giving a nod, off the sideline he ran.
He sprung to midfield, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle:
But I heard him exclaim, as they ran out of sight —
Goodbye to the Stick, and to all a good night!

GILLIGAN BELLS! Yes, you can sing the "Gilligan's Island" song to the tune of "Jingle Bells"!

It's that wonderful time of the year... 

time that you can sing one famous song to the tune of another.

Did you know that you can sing the theme song of GILLIGAN'S ISLAND to the tune of a popular winter classic?


Just try and sing this to the tune of JINGLE BELLS: 

Sit back and hear a tale
A tale of fateful trip 
from a tropic port 
Aboard a tiny ship 
The mate a sailor man 
The skipper brave and sure 
Five passengers set sail that day for three hour tour 

Gillligan, skipper too 
Millionaire and wife 
Movie star and all the rest try to make a life 
Castaways stranded there 
For a long long time 
Have to make the best of things, it’s an uphill climb. 

The weather it got rough, 
the tiny ship was tossed. 
If no courageous fearless crew, 
the Minnow would be lost. 

First mate and, Skipper too, will do their very best, 
to make the others comfortable in tropic island nest. 
Phone not there, car not there, not one luxury, 
like Robinson Crusoe was, primitive as can be 

The ship was set aground 
on shore of desert isle, 
Profesor and Mary Ann 
On Gilligan’s Isle. 

Join us here, weekly, friends, sure youll get a smile 
Seven stranded castaways on gilligan’s isle 
Jingle Bells, Gilligan, mixing up the song 
One horse sleigh, tiny ship, you all sing along 

THE CREATION STORY- NUTRITION EDITION

<<Based on an email forwarded by Dr. Terry Honer in March 2001 and originally published in Tom Gill Predicts Vol. 15 No. 47 >>
 
 In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth.
 And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness  was upon the face of the deep.
 And Satan said, It doesn't get any better than this.
 And God said, Let there be light, and there was light.
 And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit, and God saw that it was good.
 And Satan said, There goes the neighborhood.
 And God said, Let us make humanity in our image, after our likeness, and let it have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon 
 the Earth.   And so God created humanity in his own image; male and female God created them.  
 And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.
 And Satan said, I know how I can get back in this game.
 And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and kale, green and yellow vegetables  of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
 And Satan created fast food and brought forth the Dollar Menu double cheeseburger.  
 And Satan said, You want fries with that?  
 And the people said, Supersize them. And Man and Woman gained 5 pounds.
 And God created the healthful yogurt, that Man and Woman might keep their bodies trim and fair.
 And Satan brought forth chocolate. 
 And Man and Woman gained 5 pounds.
 And God said, Try my crispy fresh salad.
 And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry's. 
 And Man and Woman gained another 10 pounds.
 And God said, I have sent thee heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.
 And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.  And Man and Woman gained 10 pounds and their bad cholesterol went through the roof.
 And God brought forth running shoes and Man and Woman resolved to lose those extra pounds.
 And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man and Woman would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2, between Oprah and Ellen. And Man and Woman gained another 20 pounds.
 And God said, You're running up the score, Devil.
 And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.  
 And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.  
 And Man and Woman clutched their remote controls and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. 
 And Satan saw and said, It is good. And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
 And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
 And Satan created HMOs and the Obamacare web site.

THE COFFEE PRAYER

(Adapted from an item that Originally appeared in TOM GILL PREDICTS Vol. 15 #12, 2000: from an item originally provided by Mark Conder)
****************************************************************


Caffeine is my sheperd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me wake in green pastures.
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz.
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of
The shadow of addiction, I will fear no Equal.
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar
They comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me
In the presence of Juan Valdez.
Thou annointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me
All the days of my life, and
I will dwell in the House of Starbuck's forever.

HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAnE!

(Originally from Tom Gill Predicts Volume Fifteen, Number Six, September 17, 2000)
****************************************************************

1.  At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 

2.  Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 

3.  Insist that your e-mail address be: zena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com 

4.  Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 

5.  Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing. 

6.  Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN". 

7.  Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. 

8.  Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 

9.  In the memo field of all your checks, write"for sexual favors." 

10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think." 

11. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way. 

12. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." 

13. dontuseanypunchtuationorspaces 

14A. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 

14B. Or, walk backwards instead of forwards. (Editor's note: I used to do this occasionally when in college, just to see what the reactions would be.)

15. Ask people what sex they are. 

16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 

17. Sing along at the opera. 

18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 

19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.) 

20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them where you're going.  For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom. 

21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. 

22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 

23. Hum when you ride an elevator. (Editor's note: I am known to do this.)

AnD tHe FiNal wAy tO aNnOy PeOple: 

24. Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to 
you! (Editor's note: TOM GILL PREDICTS needs the publicity.  Thank you.)

Embarrassing Medical Exams

These are apocryphal and have been going around the Internet for many, many years. Thanks to Michael Leach for recirculating them.

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco 

2... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . Replied the patient. Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA 

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her Reporting to the rest of the family that he had Died of a 'massive internal fart.' Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg 

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. 'Which one?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch.' 'The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA 

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered, ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.' Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR 

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.' Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit 

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, Which said, 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.' Submitted by RN no name, AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing, further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .. ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .. ' No doctor but the song you were whistling was, ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener .' Dr. Wouldn't submit his name.... 

ONE MORE: Baby's First Doctor Visit- This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile! A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied. 'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.' 'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came.'

Administratium

(This memo, or a variant of it, has been going around academic institutions and scientific research labs for decades.  I remember seeing it circulated around the Crocker Nuclear Laboratory at the University of California, Davis twenty years or so or more. I was reminded of this last week when I received it as an email which had obviously been forwarded around multiple institutes.)

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university using a nuclear confusion reactor. The element, tentatively named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons, surrounded by lower-level particles named peons. 

Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second. 

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization. 

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings. 

Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

My Old El Paso Home, It Blew Away: latest song parody/adaptation

Originally posted as a "Note" on Facebook on June 13, 2009 : adapted from that material.

PublicFriendsOnly meCustomClose FriendsLimited ProfileSee all lists...USDA-ARSProfessional GeologistCrocker Nuclear Laboratory, University of California- DavisUSDA-ARSTexas Tech UniversityProfessional GeologistAmnesty International USATexas Tech UniversityUSDA-ARSUC DavisUTEP - The University of Texas at El PasoDel Valle High School, Walnut Creek, CAUC DavisEl Paso, Texas AreaUniversity of Texas El PasoFamilyAcquaintancesGo Back

“My Oklahoma Home” was written by Agnes and Bill Cunningham, Dust Bowl refugees, in 1965, and published in Broadside magazine. It has been recorded only a few times and until recently was rather obscure: the song was first recorded by Pete Seeger, but most recently strongly popularized by Bruce Springsteen. A great performance of this song from Springsteen’s “Live in Dublin” DVD can be viewed here:  

 

I developed a new version, having been inspired by my sister Mary Lake and her folk music band in Kansas including it in their concert repertoire. I received the lyrics from her in the mail on June 13, 2009.  In the great folk song tradition I adapted and “modified” the lyrics a bit to include an homage to several additional verses published in Broadside in 1967, to fit El Paso’s setting, culture and climate (for example, the Cimarron River is replaced by the Rio Grande, etc.) and work in references to a number of popular songs set in El Paso (can you find them)?

MY OLD EL PASO HOME 
Original lyrics by Agnes and Bill Cunningham, adapted and El-Paso-Ized by Tom Gill, June 13, 2009. © Thomas E. Gill, all rights reserved.

When I was discharged from Fort Bliss I was young and full of zip 
I wanted to stake me out some land 
And so I made a try for some property to buy 
And I settled down along the Rio Grande 

But It blowed away (blown away), it blowed away (blown away) 
My Old El Paso home got blown away 
Well my shack looked sturdy there, till it flew into midair 
My Old El Paso home, it blowed away 

One evening in late June I went down to the saloon 
to have me a fandango with my gal 
but then there came a gust with its thunder and its dust 
and it blew Rosa's Cantina half to hell 

She blowed away (blown away), she blowed away (blown away) 
My sweet El Paso woman blown away 
She was spinning on the floor til she soared right out the door 
My sweet El Paso woman blown away 

I planted chiles and some beans, got some hens and pecan trees 
Cooked ‘em on a mesquite fire, fed my face 
Got a mule to pull the plow, and some Texas longhorn cows 
And I got a fancy mortgage on the place 

Well it blowed away (blown away), it blowed away (blown away) 
All the crops that I had planted, blown away 
Well you can't grow much on land when it's blasted by the sand 
Everything except my mortgage blown away 

It blowed away my chilies and it blowed away my trees 
The chickens and cattle went astray 
All the crops that I had sowed went a-bouncin’ down the road 
My Old El Paso home it blowed away. 

It blowed away (blown away), it blowed away (blown away) 
Everything I owned, it blowed away 
I hollered and I cussed when my house the wind upthrust 
Yes my Old El Paso home it blowed away 

I was left all high and dry listenin’ closely to the sigh 
Of the breezes ‘round the splinters of my shack 
So I launched on down the road, when the springtime west wind blowed 
I traveled with the wind upon my back 

I blowed away (blown away), I blowed away (blown away) 
Chasin' that dust cloud up ahead 
Once it looked so green and fair, now it's up there in the air 
All my El Paso land is overhead 

I’d be always close to home, wherever I would roam 
For Old El Paso dust is everywhere 
Makes no difference where I'm walkin', I can hear my chickens squawkin' 
I can hear Feleena crying in the air 

It blowed away (blown away), it blowed away (blown away) 
Yeah my Old El Paso home is blown away 
But that home is always near, it's up in the atmosphere 
My Old El Paso home is blown away 

I made me one last stand, came back to that piece of land 
I toiled and I raised a brand new shack 
But April’s cruel west wind, it done blew it out again 
Then the east wind roared around and blew it back. 

It blowed away (blown away), it blowed away (blowed away) 
My old El Paso home got blown away 
a big old supercell blasted it halfway to hell 
‘Til it blew back from where it went, next windy day. 

Yes I planted once ag'in, but Mother Nature did me in 
After I prayed at Cristo Rey and wished for luck 
Flash flood from the monsoon left me shriveled like a prune 
And my stuff was strewn amidst the mud and muck 

Floated away (it flowed away), Floated away (it flowed away) 
Yeah, my Old El Paso home got all rained out 
First it blew into a dune, now it’s underwater too 
My Old El Paso home must be bailed out. 

I'm a roamin’ El Pasoan, but I'm always close to home 
And I'll never get homesick until I die 
Billie Joe and Bobbie Sue said hello as they blew through, 
my Old El Paso home is in the sky 

It blowed away (blown away), it blowed away (blowed away) 
My homestead down along the Rio Grande 
But now all around the world, wherever dust is swirled 
There's some come from my Old El Paso sand 

It blowed away (blown away), it blowed away (blown away) 
Yeah my Old El Paso home is blown away 
Yeah it's up there in the sky, in that dust cloud o’e’r’n' by 
My Old El Paso home is blown away 

Dust cloud spreading over Mt. Cristo Rey, late summer 2008. © Thomas E. Gill, all rights reserved.

 

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HOW TO TELL IF THE FOOD IS SPOILED

Originally published in TOM GILL PREDICTS Volume 15 No. 19, forwarded by Alice Gomez.

FOOD SPOILAGE TABLE

THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. 

Cottage cheese is spoiled when it  starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but 

spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already.

MAYONNAISE
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.

MEAT
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside 

your house, the meat is spoiled.

LETTUCE
Lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without Comet.

CANNED GOODS
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a basketball should be disposed of. Carefully.

CARROTS
A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.

WINE
It should not taste like salad dressing.

POTATOES
Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

CHIP DIP
If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. 

Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.

COWBOY WISDOM

(This originally appeared in Tom Gill Predicts Volume 15, No. 13, October 1, 2000, 

from material forwarded by Alex Cooke):

Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.

There's two theories to arguin' with a woman.  Neither one works.

Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew.  Your mouth is
probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to
make sure it's still there.

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or person, don't be
surprised if they learn their lesson.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in
your pocket.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE ENROLLED IN A REALLY CHEAP OBAMACARE PLAN

This week we revisit and modify Tom Gill Predicts Vol. 15 #2, from September 10, 2000,
based on material forwarded by Alice Gomez.
****************************************************************

Top 10 Signs That You've Signed Up For A Really Cheap Obamacare Plan
 
 10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.
 
 9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter 
 the trailer park."
 
 8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
 
 7. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
 
 6. Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day."
 
 5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill 
 last month.
 
 4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
 
 3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
 
 2. With your last health care plan, the anti-depressant pills didn't come in different colors with 
 little m's on them.
 
 1. When you ask for Viagra, you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.

What Cartoon Character Are You?

reprinted from TOM GILL PREDICTS-  Volume Fifteen, Number Thirty


 Cartoon Character Test
 
 Ever wondered which cartoon character you are most like? Well, a team
 of researchers got together and analyzed the personalities of cartoon
 characters, and put the information gathered into this quiz. Answer
 each question with the answer that most describes you, then add up the
 points that correspond with your answer. 
 
 1)  What describes your perfect date?
 a)  Candlelight dinner for two
 b)  Amusement Park
 c)  Rollerblading in the park
 d)  Rock Concert
 e)  See a movie
 
 2)  What type of music do you most prefer from the list below?
 a)  Heavy Metal/ Hard Rock
 b)  Alternative
 c)  Soft Rock/ Easy Listening
 d)  Classical
 e)  Pop/ Dance
 
 3)  What type of movie do you most prefer from the list below?
 a)  Comedy
 b)  Horror
 c)  Musical
 d)  Romance
 e)  Documentary
 
 4)  Which of the following jobs would you choose if you were given only
 these choices?
 a)  Waiter/Waitress
 b)  Sports Player
 c)  Teacher
 d)  Policeman
 e)  Bartender
 
 5)  Which would you rather do if you had an hour to waste?
 a)  work out
 b)  Read
 c)  Watch TV
 d)  Listen to music
 e)  Sleep
 
 6)  Of the following colors, which do you like the best?
 a)  yellow
 b)  white
 c)  sky blue
 d)  teal
 e)  red
 
 7)  Which one of the following would you most like to eat right now?
 a)  ice cream
 b)  pizza
 c)  sushi
 d)  pasta
 e)  salad
 
 8)  What is your favorite holiday from the list below?
 a)  Halloween
 b)  Christmas
 c)  New Year's
 d)  Valentine's Day
 e)  Thanksgiving
 
 9)  If you could go to any of the following places, which would it be?
 a)  Paris
 b)  Spain
 c)  Las Vegas
 d)  Hawaii
 e)  Hollywood
 
 10) Of the following, who would you rather spend time with?
 a)  Someone who is smart
 b)  Someone with good looks
 c)  Someone who is a party animal
 d)  Someone who has fun all the time
 e)  Someone who is very emotional
 
 Now total up your points and find your character below:
 1-          2-          3-           4-          5-

 a 4         a 2         a 2          a 4         a 5
 b 2         b 1         b 1          b 5         b 4
 c 5         c 4         c 3          c 3         c 2
 d 1         d 5         d 4          d 2         d 1
 e 3         e 3         e 5          e 1         e 3
 
 6-          7-          8-          9-            10-

 a 1         a 3         a 1         a 4           a 5
 b 5         b 2         b 3         b 5           b 2
 c 3         c 1         c 2         c 1           c 1
 d 2         d 4         d 4         d 2           d 3
 e 4         e 5         e 5         e 3           e 4
 
 
 (10-17 points): You are TAZ
 You are wild and crazy and you know it. You know how to have fun, but
 you may take it to extremes. You know what you are doing though, and are
 much in control of your own life. People don't always see things your
 way, but that doesn't mean that you should do away with your beliefs.
 Try to remember that your wild spirit can lead to hurting yourself and
 others.
 
 (18-26 points) You are Bugs Bunny
 You are fun, friendly, and popular. You are a real crowd pleaser. You
 have probably been out on the town your share of times, yet you come
 home with the values that your mother taught you. Marriage and children
 are important to you, but only after you have fun. Don't let the people
 you please influence you to stray.
 
 (27-34 points) You are Tweety
 You are cute, and everyone loves you. You are a best friend that no one
 takes the chance of losing. You never hurt feelings and seldom have
 your own feelings hurt. Life is a breeze. You are witty, and calm most
 of the time. Just keep clear of backstabbers, and you are worryfree.
 
 (35-42 points) You are Peppe Le Pew (without the smell)
 You are a lover. Romance, flowers, and wine are all you need to enjoy
 yourself. You are serious about all commitments. A family person. You
 call your Mom every Sunday, and never forget a Birthday.  Don't let your
 passion for romance get confused with the real thing.
 
 (43-50 points) You are Speedy Gonzales
 You are smart, a real thinker. Every situation is approached with a
 plan. You are very healthy in mind and body. You teach strong family
 values.  Keep your feet planted in them, but don't overlook a bad
 situation when it does happen.

Cartoon Laws of Physics

Reprinted from TOM GILL PREDICTS-  Volume Fifteen, Number Twenty-Seven
****************************************************************
Allegedly first seen in: "keepAhead with The Twisted Straw" on 17 Apr 2000
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

CARTOON LAWS OF PHYSICS

Cartoon Law I

Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its
situation.

Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in
midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this
point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second takes over.

Cartoon Law II

Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
intervenes suddenly.

Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters
are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize
boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called
this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.

Cartoon Law III

Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming
to its perimeter.

Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of
victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so
eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house,
leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony
often catalyzes this reaction.

Cartoon Law IV

The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or
equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral
down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.

Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it
inevitably unsuccessful.

Cartoon Law V

All principles of gravity are negated by fear.

Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them
directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's
signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a
chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character
who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the
ground, especially when in flight.

As one Bugs Bunny cartoon demonstrated, air brakes can stop a plummeting 
airplane from smashing into the ground. 

Cartoon Law VI

As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.

This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's
head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several
places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are
spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of
self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to
achieve the velocity required.

Cartoon Law VII

Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel
entrances; others cannot.

This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it
is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an
opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The
painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the
painting.

This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.

Cartoon Law VIII

Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.
Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives,
might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced,splayed,
accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed.
After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap
back, or solidify.

Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.

Cartoon Law IX

Everything falls faster than an anvil.

Cartoon Law X

For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.

This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the
physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it
happen to a duck instead.

Cartoon Law Amendment A

A sharp object will always propel a character upward.
When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a
character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.

Cartoon Law Amendment B

The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters.

Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent
objects appear from behind their backs at will. For instance, the Road
Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.

Cartoon Law Amendment C

Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries.
They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.

Amendment C subset 1: A finger stuck in the barrel of a rifle or a shotgun 
will stop the projectiles and gases, causing the weapon to explode in the 
face of the shooter while leaving the finger sticking character unharmed.

Cartoon Law Amendment D

Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths.

Their operation can be wittnessed by observing the behavior of a canine
suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first,
causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will
begin to fall, causing the neck to strech. As the head begins to fall,
tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions
until such time as it strikes the ground.

Cartoon Law Amendment E

Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon
laws hold).

The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which
postulated that the tensions involved in maintaining a space would cause
the creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite quanta are quite large
(stick sized) and unstable (lit). Such quanta are attracted to psychic
forces generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see
Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use
said quanta to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter
and energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big bang
indeed.

HOW TO SING THE BLUES

Jeff Lee was sharing amusing stuff online more than a dozen years ago.  

Here we reprint TOM GILL PREDICTS-  Volume 15, no.50, March 31, 2001-

based on an email forwarded by Jeff. 

 **************************************************************** 

 How to Sing the Blues:
     
(attributed originally to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky)
     
      1. Most blues begin: "Woke up this morning."
     
      2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the
         blues, unless you stick something nasty in the
         next line.
             I got a good woman--
             with the meanest dog in town.
     
      3. Blues are simple. After you have the first
         line right, repeat it. Then find something that
         rhymes. Sort of.
            Got a good woman
            with the meanest dog in town.
            He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
            and he weighs 'bout 500 pound.
     
      4. The blues are not about limitless choice.
     
      5. Blues cars are Chevys and Cadillacs. Other
         acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound
         bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a
         major part in the blues lifestyle. So does
         fixin' to die.
     
      6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing
         the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to
         get the electric chair if you shoot a man in
         Memphis.
     
      7. You can have the blues in New York City, but
         not in Brooklyn or Queens.  Hard times in
         Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression.
         Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still
         the best places to have the blues.
     
      8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
              a. violet
              b. beige
              c. mauve
     
      9. You can't have the blues in an office or a
         shopping mall.  The lighting is just wrong.
     
      10. Good places for the Blues:
           a. the highway
           b. the jailhouse
           c. the empty bed
     
          Bad places for the Blues
           a. Ashrams
           b. Gallery openings
           c. weekend in the Hamptons
     
      11.  No one will believe it's the blues if you
           wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old
           black man.
     
      12.  Do you have the right to sing the blues?
     
           Yes, if:
           a. your first name is a southern state--like Georgia
           b. you're blind
           c. you shot a man in Memphis.
           d. you can't be satisfied.
     
           No, if:
           a. you were once blind but now can see.
           b. you're deaf
           c. you have a trust fund.
     
      13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand
          are capable of singing the blues.
     
      14. If you ask for water and baby gives you
          gasoline, it's the blues.  Other blues
          beverages are:
           a. wine
           b. Irish whiskey
           c. muddy water
           d. one bourbon, one scotch and one beer
     
          Blues beverages are NOT:
           a. Any mixed drink
           b. Any wine kosher for Passover
           c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
     
     15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun
          shack, it's blues death. Stabbed in the back
          by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So
          is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being
          denied treatment in an emergency room.
     
          It is not a blues death if you die during a
          liposuction treatment.
     
      16. Some Blues names for Women
             a. Sadie
             b. Big Mama
             c. Bessie
     
      17. Some Blues Names for Men
           a. Joe
           b. Willie
           c. Little Willie
           d. Lightnin'
          Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia
          will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter
          how many men they shoot in Memphis.
     
      18. Other Blues Names (Mix and Match Starter Kit)
     
          a. Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)
          b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)
          c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

Farmer Joe and his mule Bessie

Reprinted from TOM GILL PREDICTS-  Volume Fifteen, Number Thirty-Six

****************************************************************
And now, the story of Farmer Joe and his mule Bessie, forwarded by Jeanette Martin.

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious
 enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.  
      In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,' ?" said the lawyer. 

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened.
I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the......."
 
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just
 answer the question."  "Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'  ?"
      
      Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

      The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine.  Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.  Please tell him to simply answer the question."

      By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."
      
      Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.
      
      I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move.  However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning.  I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.  After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me."  

      He told me, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are YOU feeling?"

BAD ADVERTISEMENTS

(Reprinted from TOM GILL PREDICTS-  Volume Fifteen, Number Forty, February 4, 2001)
****************************************************************

BAD ADS: These were culled from actual newspaper classified advertisements. 

2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234.
Leave mess.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered, like one of the family.

Dinner Special-Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large
drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

For Sale-Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in
the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns bread.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots
of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References
required.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and
smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll
never go anywhere again.

Are you illiterate? Write today for free help.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross
and salary.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume
general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth
of family.

And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for
$1.00.

++++++++++++
STRANGE WEIRD THOUGHTS

Back Up My Hard Drive?  How do I Put it in Reverse?

I just got lost in thought.  It was unfamiliar territory.

Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some don't have film.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

I'm always late.  My ancestors arrived on the JuneFlower.

You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Classic TGP: Rich Man, Fat Man (A Reprint of Vol. 5 No. 13)

Classic TGP, from 1982: The saga of Lawn Chair Larry, as it happened.

Intramural Team Names

Here is an extract from my collection of actual intramural sports team names at the University of California, Davis, as published in a book by the great Paul Dickson.   I will be contributing more material to another of Paul's books, to be published soon: stay tuned for news about that later this year. 

A look back at "The Canonical List of Meteorological and Geological Song Titles"

(Note to readers:  I used to maintain "The Canonical List of Geological and Meteorological Song Titles," though it hasn't been regularly updated in probably more than a decade. Here is an archived version.

 

METEOROLOGICAL AND GEOLOGICAL SONG TITLES
Songs about weather... songs about geological phenomena.
Just for fun! How many songs or albums or musical performers can you name
that contain a meteorological or geological term? Here are some below.
Keep the list growing, and make additions. (Note: The list excludes titles that
could be more astronomical in nature or origin [Here Comes the Sun;
Sunrise, Sunset; Four Seasons; "sky" with no meteorological qualifiers] or
chemical [Water Runs Dry, Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes].
"Ice" is allowed because it can be the name of a rock. "Rock" songs having to
do with "rock" music or "rock 'n' roll" are not allowed. Colloquial uses such
as "Another One Bites the Dust" would also not be allowed. )
If you can add to this list, email me! Please send suggestions to my home email address (#############) - this is just for fun.
-Tom Gill
Atmospheric Science Group & Dept. of Geosciences
Texas Tech University
Lubbock, Texas 79409-2101, USA.
 THIS COMPILATION COPYRIGHT Ó 1998- 2001 BY THOMAS E. GILL THANKS TO THE FOLLOWING INDIVIDUALS FOR ADDING OR INSPIRING THE ADDITION OF TITLES:
Rob Howard, Dee Chaney, Natalie Davis, Jeremy Kumin, Yanuly Sanson, Kim Dyer, Scott Bernier, Jesse Kenyon, Pam Cantrell, Mark Moerman, Linda Heubner, Steven Vest, Rick Brandt, Alan Smithee, John Persing, Gloria Pirs, Joel Bader, Fred Bronson, Hank Van Slyke, Roger Clough, Aly Palmer, Mariann Maeder, Deb O'Hanlon, Thoughtscape Sounds, Keith Holzerson, Bill Kerr, Steve Camden, Chris Bukvic, Jennifer Bennett, Rudy Steffish, Patrick Laplagne, Jeff Lee, Aaron Yoshinobu, Eli Parra, Marjo de Reuver, Aemelia Malic, Lauran Popstar, J. Burley, John Tatarko, Dfunk, Jim Craig, Ray Beiersdorfer
LAST UPDATED: August 28, 2001This site is sponsored by , my pick for the best place online to buy albums with these and other songs.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
100% Chance of Rain (Gary Morris)
1952 Vincent Black Lightning (Richard Thompson)
A Cloud of Red Dust (Stefon Harris album)
A Little Wind Could Blow Me Away (Peter Case)
A Man Ain't Made of Stone (Randy Travis)
A Meeting by the River (album by Ry Cooder & V.M. Bhatt)
A Night on Bald Mountain (Mussorgsky)
A Whistle On The Wind (album by Joanie Madden)
Acid Rain (Timbuk 3)
Across the Great Divide (Kate Wolf)
Across the River (Bruce Hornsby)
Across the Sand (Earl Klugh)
Aerial Ballet (Harry Nilsson album)
A Foggy Day (Billie Holiday)
African Sky Blue (Juluka)
After The Rain (Jack Tempchin & The Seclusions album)
After The Rain (John Coltrane)
After The Rain Has Fallen (Sting)
After The Snow (Modern English album)
After the Storm (Crosby, Stills and Nash album)
After the Storm (Outfield)
Aftershock (Van Halen)
Against the Wind (Bob Seger: Brooks and Dunn)
Ain't No Mountain High Enough (Diana Ross)
Ain't No Sunshine (Bill Withers)
Air (Talking Heads)
Air On A G String (various artists compilation)
Air Supply (artist)
Airborn (Mile Oldfield album)
Alabama Clay (Garth Brooks)
All At Sea Minor (John Williams)
American Storm (Bob Seger)
An Outcast of the Island (Colin Bass)
Angie Stone (artist)
Another Fine Mesozoic (Rick Manwiller album)
Another Rainy Day (Peter White)
Another Rainy Day in New York City (Chicago)
Another Rainy Night Without You (Queensryche)
Anyway the Wind Blows (Kelly Willis)
Anyway the Wind Blows (Bill Wyman)
Appalachian Rain (Matraca Berg)
Ashes, the Rain and I (James Gang)
Atmos (Jan Gabarek album)
Avalanche (Beth Nielsen Chapman)
Avalanche (Keats)
B Side to Seaside (Suzy and the Red Stripes)
Baby, The Rain Must Fall (Glenn Yarborough)
Bad Weather (Poco: Steve Earle)
Banana Wind (Jimmy Buffett)
Barometer Soup (Jimmy Buffett)
Be Careful of Stones that You Throw (Hank Williams)
Beach Baby (First Class)
Beach Boys (artist)
Because the Wind (Joe Ely)
Bedrock (artist)
Before the Beach (Jimmy Buffett album)
Before the Deluge (Jackson Browne)
Before the Rains (Matt Musselman)
Benny Hill (comedy recording artist)
Beyond the Sea (Bobby Darin, others)
Big Cold Wind (Pat Boone)
Big Muddy (Bruce Springsteen)
Big River (Roger Miller)
Big River (Zachary Richard)
Billy Ocean (singer)
Black Hill (Al Stewart)
Black Hill Mining Town (U2)
Black Muddy River (Grateful Dead)
Black Sea (XTC)
Black Sheets of Rain (Bob Mould)
Black Wind Blowing (Woody Guthrie)
Blame it on the Rain (Milli Vanilli)
Blame it on the Weatherman (B*witched)
Blow In The Wind- Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
Blowin' in the Wind (written by Bob Dylan)
Blown by the Wind (Ian Bairnson/ Alan Parsons)
Blue Blue Sky (Alan Parsons)
Blue Clear Sky (George Strait)
Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain (Willie Nelson)
Blue Haze (group)
Blue Plate Tectonics (Water Shed 5tet album)
Blue Ridge Mountain Sky (Marshall Tucker Band)
Blue Ridge Mountains (bluegrass tune)
Blue Ridge Rangers (artist)
Blue Skies (traditional pop song)
Blue Skies, Blue Water (Carr/Munde)
Blue Sky (Patty Griffin)
Blue Sky Mine (Midnight Oil album)
Blueberry Hill (Fats Domino)
Blues from the Rainforest (Merl Sanders album)
Boats, Beaches, Bars and Ballads (Jimmy Buffett album set)
Born to Laugh at Tornadoes (Was not Was album)
Boulders (Roy Wood album)
Brackagh Hill (Patrick Street)
Broken Stones (Paul Weller)
Buckets of Rain (Bob Dylan)
Bullet the Blue Sky (U2)
Buy For Me The Rain (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band)
By The Rivers of Babylon (traditional reggae song)
California Earthquake (The Mamas and the Papas)
Calm Before the Storm (Restless Heart)
Calm Before the Storm (Dare album)
Can You Stop the Rain (Peabo Bryson)
Candle in the Wind (Elton John)
Can't Stop the Rain (Los Lobos)
Can't You Hear the Wind Howl (Robert Johnson)
Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboys (Elton John album)
Car Wheels on a Gravel Road (Victoria Williams)
Caroline Skies (The Exponents)
Carved in Stone (Shadow Gallery album)
Celtic Thunder (artist)
Change In The Weather (John Fogerty)
Chase The Wind (Jimmie Dale Gilmore)
Chris Hillman (artist)
Circle In The Sand (Belinda Carlisle)
Circles In The Wind (Chris Webster)
Cirrus (artist)
Classical Thunder (album)
Clay Blaker (artist)
Clay Walker (artist)
Clear Blue Skies (Crosby, Stills and Nash)
Climb Every Mountain (from "The Sound of Music")
Cloud Nine (George Harrison)
Cloud Nine (Temptations)
Cloud on my Tongue (Tori Amos)
Cloudbreak (Alan Parsons)
Cloudburst (Movement from Grofe's Grand Canyon Suite)
Cloudburst Flight (Tangerine Dream)
Cloudbusting (Kate Bush)
Clouds (Chaka Khan)
Clouds (Joni Mitchell)
Clouds Suite (David Gates)
Coal Chamber (artist)
Coal Miner's Daughter (Loretta Lynn)
Cold as Christmas (Elton John)
Cold as Ice (Foreigner)
Cold Day in Hell (Gary Moore)
Cold Day in July (Suzy Bogguss, Dixie Chicks,)
Cold Gray Morning (Kansas)
Cold Gray Kentucky Morning (Tim Krekel)
Cold Rain (Crosby, Stills and Nash)
Cold Winds (Rankins)
Colin Blunstone (artist)
Colors of the Wind (from "Pocahontas")
Coloured Rain (Traffic)
Come Back When It Ain't Rainin' (Trisha Yearwood)
Come On Rain (Oak Ridge Boys)
Come Rain or Come Shine (Billie Holiday)
Come Some Rainy Day (Wynonna Judd)
Concrete and Clay (?)
Continental Drifters (artist)
Cool Change (Little River Band) (name of an Aussie weather phenomenon)
Cornerstone (Styx album)
Couldn't Stand the Weather (Stevie Ray Vaughan)
Cowgirl In The Sand (Neil Young)
Crawl Back Under My Stone (Richard Thompson)
Cry Like a Rainstorm, Howl Like the Wind (Linda Ronstadt)
Cry Me A River (?)
Crying in the Rain (Everly Brothers)
Crystal Fallin' Rain (Ronnie Milsap)
Curved Air (artist)
David Arkenstone (artist)
Delicate Sound of Thunder (Pink Floyd album)
Delta (Crosby, Stills and Nash)
Delta Dawn (Helen Reddy)
Delta Lady (Joe Cocker)
Desert Wind (Ofra Haza)
Diamond Girl (Seals and Crofts)
Diamond Mine (Blue Rodeo)
Diesel and Dust (Midnight Oil album)
Digging In The Dirt (Peter Gabriel)
Dirt (Alice in Chains)
Dirt, Silver and Gold (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band album)
Dirty Back Road (B-52's)
DJ Hurricane (rapper)
Don't Count The Rainy Days (Michael Martin Murphey)
Don't Throw Stones (Sports album)
Don't Throw Stones in Other People's Homes (The Sports)
Don't Touch the Marble (Martin Darvill and Friends)
Doug Stone (artist)
Down By The Lazy River (Osmonds)
Down by the River (Neil Young)
Down by the Sea (Strawbs)
Down by the Sea (Men at Work)
Down by the Seaside (Led Zeppelin)
Down on the River (John Hartford album)
Drivin' Thunder (Crosby, Stills and Nash)
Dry The Rain (Beta Band)
Dustbowl Symphony (Nanci Griffith album)
Dust Bowl Blues (Woody Guthrie)
Dust Bowl Children (Peter Rowan album)
Dust Bowl Refugee (Woody Guthrie)
Dust Can't Kill Me (Woody Guthrie)
Dust Devil (Oregon)
Dust in the Wind (Kansas: Eric Benet:)
Dust, Dust, Dust (old Western song)
Dust on the Bottle (David Lee Murphy)
Dust Pneumonia Blues(Woody Guthrie)
Dusty Old Dust (Woody Guthrie)
Dusty Springfield (artist)
Early Morning Rain (Gordon Lightfoot)
Early Sumemr Rain (Kevin Welch)
Earthboy (artist)
Earthquake (rock band)
Earthquake (1970s San Francisco Bay Area rock band)
Earthquake Weather (Joe Strummer album)
Earth, Wind and Fire (artist)
Eastern Wind (Chris DeBurgh)
El Nino (artist)
Enter Sandman (Metallica)
Eruption (artist)
Eruption (Focus)
Eruption (Van Halen)
Every Grain of Sand (Bob Dylan)
Everyone Loves a Rain Song (B.J. Thomas)
Every Time It Rains (Ace of Base)
Every Time That It Rains (Garth Brooks)
Exit Planet Dust (Chemical Brothers album)
Eye of A Hurricane (John Anderson)
Eye of the Hurricane (Alarm album)
Eye of the Hurricane (Flying Burrito Brothers)
Famous Blue Raincoat (Jennifer Warnes album and song by Leonard Cohen)
Faith Hill (artist)
Feather, Stone and Light (R. Carlos Nakai album)
Find A River (Valerie Carter)
Find The River (R.E.M.)
Fire and Ice (Pat Benatar)
Fire and Rain (James Taylor)
Fire on the Mountain (Marshall Tucker Band)
Fire on the Mountain (Charlie Daniels Band album)
Fish on the Sand (George Harrison)
Flatlanders (artist)
Flintstones Theme (B-52s)
Flood (Jars of Clay)
Flowers in the Rain (Stress)
Fog on the Tyne (Lindisfarne)
Foggy Mountain Breakdown (bluegrass classic)
Foghat (artist)
Fool In The Rain (Led Zeppelin)
Fool On The Hill (Beatles)
Footsteps in the Sand (Paul McCartney)
Fresh Air (Quicksilver Messenger Service)
Fresh Aire (artist)
Front Range (artist)
Frosty the Snowman (Burl Ives)
Gentle Rain (Art Farmer)
Get In The Wind (Poco)
Get Off Of My Cloud (Rolling Stones)
Ghostly Horses of the Plain (Al Stewart)
Giant Sand (rock group)
Gillis Mountain (The Rankin Family)
God of Thunder (KISS)
Gone With The Wind (Blackmore's Night)
Goodbye Blue Sky (Pink Floyd)
Go Tell It On The Mountain (traditional gospel song)
Grand Canyon Suite ( )
Gravity Storm (Jimmy Buffett)
Grease Lightning (from "Grease")
Green Bubble Raincoated Man (Amon Duul II)
Green River (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
Gulf Coast Blues (Joe Ely)
Gulf Coast Highway (Nanci Griffith- recorded by many artists)
Gulf of Mexico (Shawn Mullins)
Guster (artist)
Hail, Hail (Pearl Jam)
Hank Snow (artist)
Hard as a Rock (AC/DC)
Hard Rain Don't Last (Darryl Worley)
Have You Ever Seen the Rain (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
Hawkwind (group)
Hazy Mountains (Dale Evans)
Hazy Shade of Winter (Simon & Garfunkel, Bangles)
Heart of Stone (Cher album)
Heart of Stone (Taylor Dayne)
Hearts of Stone (Southside Johnny)
Heat, Dust and Dreams (Johnny Clegg album)
Heavy Cloud No Rain (Sting)
Heavy Weather (Weather Report album)
Heels of the Wind (Elton John)
Hell Freezes Over (Eagles album)
Here Comes the Flood (Peter Gabriel)
Here Comes the Rain (Mavericks)
Here Comes The Rain Again (Eurythmics)
High Country Snows (Dan Fogelberg album)
Home by the Sea (Genesis)
Homeward Through the Haze (Crosby, Stills and Nash)
Horses Through a Rainstorm (Crosby, Stills and Nash)
Hot Lava (B-52s)
Hot Rocks (Rolling Stones album)
Hot Sand (Shocking Blue)
Human Clay (Creed)
Huracan (Pedro Aznar)
Hurricane (Bob Dylan)
Hurricane (Evangeline)
Hurricane 2000 (Scorpions)
I Am A Rock (Paul Simon)
I Can't Stand the Rain (Ann Peebles: Eruption: Missy Elliott; etc.)
I Go To The Rock (gospel song)
I Know Why The River Runs (LeeAnn Womack)
I Love A Rainy Night (Eddie Rabbitt)
I Made It Through the Rain (Barry Manilow)
I Ride in your Slipstream (Richard Thompson)
I Wish It Would Rain (Nanci Griffith)
I Wish It Would Rain Down (Phil Collins)
Ice Age (group)
Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla Ice)
Ice on Fire (Elton John album)
Icehouse (artist)
If the River Can Bend (Elton John)
Ill Wind (???)
I'm No Stranger to the Rain (Keith Whitley)
In from the Storm (Jimi Hendrix)
In The Air Tonight (Phil Collins)
In The Eye of the Storm (Roger Hodgson album)
In the Heat of the Night (Bryan Adams)
In The House of Stone and Light (Martin Page- song about the Grand Canyon)
In the Rain (Dramatics: Kenny G)
Indian Summer (Al Stewart)
Indian Summer (Poco)
Is It Raining at Your House (Vern Gosdin)
Island of Souls (Sting)
Islands in the Stream (Dolly Parton/ Kenny Rogers)
It Can't Rain All the Time (Jane Siberry)
It Isn't Just Raining (Pam Tillis & Vince Gill)
It Never Rains (Dire Straits)
It Never Rains in (Southern) California (Albert Hammond: Trent Sumnar and the New Row Mob)
It Only Rains on Me (Don Williams)
It Only Rains on Saturday (Reba McEntire)
It's Been Raining Here In Long Beach (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band)
It's Cold Out Tonight (Little River Band)
It's A Very Deep Sea (Style Council)
It's Just the Rain (Journey)
It's Raining Again (Supertramp)
It's Raining Men (The Weather Girls)
It Still Rains in Memphis (T.G. Sheppard)
It Takes A Little Rain (Oak Ridge Boys)
Jars of Clay (artist)
Johnny Rivers (artist)
Journey to a Rainbow (Chuck Mangione)
Just Around the Riverbend (Pocahontas soundtrack)
Just Like The Weather (Suzy Bogguss)
Kentucky Rain (Elvis Presley)
Kiss Me In The Rain (Barbra Streisand)
Kiss The Rain (Billie Myers)
L.A. In The Sunshine (Little River Band)
L.A. Sunshine (War)
La Valse de la Grande Riviere (Zachary Richard)
Landslide (Fleetwood Mac)
Las Nubes (Little Joe y la Familia)
Lazy Hazy Crazy Days of Summer (Nat King Cole)
Laughter in the Rain (Neil Sedaka)
Lauryn Hill (artist)
Lay Down [Candles in the Rain] (Melanie)
Let It Rain (Azz Izz)
Let It Rain (Eric Clapton)
Let It Rain (Marc Chesnutt)
Let it Snow (holiday tune- Dean Martin)
Let The Wind Carry Me- Jackson Browne
Levelland (James McMurtry)
Lift Up Every Stone (John Hiatt)
Light Up The Sky (Van Halen)
Lightnin' Hopkins (artist)
Lightning Crashes (Live)
Lightning Seeds (group)
Lightning Strikes (Aerosmith)
Lightning Strikes (Lou Christie)
Lightning Strikes (Yes)
Like a Hurricane (Neil Young)
Like A Rock (Bob Seger)
Like A Rolling Stone (Bob Dylan)
Like The Rain (Clint Black)
Like The Weather (10,000 Maniacs)
Like The Wind (Vanessa Chinitor)
Listen To The Wind (Ole Boskov)
Little April Showers (Bambi soundtrack)
Little Bits of Lightning (Martina McBride)
Little Earthquakes (Tori Amos album)
Little River Band (artist)
Little Rock (Collin Raye)
Little Rock (Reba McEntire)
Live from the Mountain Stage (album series)
Living on the Fault Line (Doobie Brothers)
Lonesome River Band (artist)
Looking at the Rain (Hank Wlliams Jr.)
Looking for the Wind (Bill Staines album)
Looks Like Rain (Sunny Jim White)
Louisiana Rain (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers)
Love can Move Mountains (Celine Dion)
Love Is In The Air (John Paul Young)
Love Is Like A Rock (Donnie Iris)
Love Letters in the Sand (Pat Boone)
Love on the Rocks (Neil Diamond)
Loves Me Like A Rock (Paul Simon)
Lovin' A Hurricane (Suzy Bogguss)
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds (Beatles)
Lyre In A Windstorm (Bruce Gaitsch album)
Make It Rain (The Nixons)
Makin' Love in the Rain (Janet Jackson)
Mandolin Rain (Bruce Hornsby and The Range)
Mandolin Wind (Rod Stewart)
March From Bridge over the River Kwai (from movie soundtrack)
Mansion on the Hill (Bruce Springsteen)
Meeting Across the River (Bruce Springsteen)
Mercury Falling (Sting album)
Midnight Rocks (Al Stewart)
Mighty Clouds of Joy (gospel group)
Mineral (Buffalo Tom)
Missisippi Delta City Blues (Chicago)
Mist on a Monday Morning (The Move)
Mistral Wind (Heart)
Misty (Johnny Mathis)
Misty Mountain Hop (Led Zeppelin)
Monsoon (Little River Band album)
Montgomery in the Rain (Hank Williams Jr.)
Moody River (Pat Boone)
Moon River (pop classic)
Mountain (rock group)
Mountain of Love (Johnny Rivers)
Mountain Top (Michael Gonzales album)
Mountains In Minutes (Nits)
Move Any Mountain (Shamen)
Mr. Blue Sky (E.L.O.)
Mr. Sandman (recorded by various artists)
Mud (group)
Muddy Waters (artist)
Must Be My Land (Jan Akkerman)
My Name is Mud (Primus)
Mystery Wind (Richard Thompson)
Naked In The Rain (Dio)
Never Blame the Rainbow for the Rain (Moody Blues)
New York Mining Disaster 1941 (Bee Gees)
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band (artist)
No More Rain In This Cloud (Angie Stone)
No Rain (Blind Melon)
Northern Lights (Kenny G)
Notting Hillbillies (artist)
November Rain (Guns & Roses)
Nubes Negras (Pedro Aznar)
Obscured by Clouds (Pink Floyd)
Oceans (Pearl Jam)
Ocean Blue (artist)
Ocean Gypsy (Renaissance)
Ocean Front Property - George Strait
Of Time and Rivers Flowing (traditional folk tune)
Of Time and Rivers Flowing (Mason Williams album)
Oh The Wind And The Rain (Jody Stecher: Jerry Garcia)
Oilwell Texas (Maryanne Price)
Old Man River (from Showboat)
Old Time River Man (John Hartford)
On Air (Alan Parsons album)
On the Dunes (Donald Fagen)
One Fair Summer Evening (Nanci Griffith album)
One Grain of Sand (traditional gospel tune)
One Step Ahead Of The Storm (Tracy Lawrence)
Only Happy When it Rains (Garbage)
Only The Wind- Pet Shop Boys
Orinoco Flow (Enya)
Out of the Valley (John Gorka album)
Over the Hills (artist?)
Over the Hills and Far Away (Gary Moore)
Over the Hills and Far Away (Led Zeppelin)
Over the Mountain (Ozzy Osbourne)
Over The Rainbow (Livingston Taylor)
Ozark Mountain Daredevils (artist)
Papa Was A Rolling Stone (Temptations)
Pebbles (artist)
People of the South Wind (Kansas)
Periwinkle Sky (Victoria Williams)
Philospher's Stone (Van Morrison)
Phoebe Snow (artist)
Playa del Pressbox (Jim Hoehn album)
Playing with Lightning (Shot in the Dark)
Postcard from 5 Mile Beach (James White album)
Pray for Rain (Tim Feehan album)
Pressure Drop (Toots and the Maytals)
Purple Haze (Jimi Hendrix)
Purple Rain (Prince, LeeAnn Rimes)
Quicksand (Martha and the Vandellas)
Rain (Beatles)
Rain (Corrs)
Rain (Madonna)
Rain And Tears (Aphrodites Child)
Rain Blessing (Paul Winter)
Rain Forest (Paul Hardcastle album)
Rain Kings (Counting Crows)
Rain in the Summertime (Alarm)
Rain On The Scarecrow (John Cougar Mellencamp)
Rain Song (Led Zeppelin)
Rain, Rain, Go Away (Bobby Vinton)
Rainbow (heavy-metal group)
Rainbow Bridge (Jimi Hendix album)
Rainbow Connection (Kermit the Frog; Kenny Loggins)
Rainbow in the Dark (Ronnie Dio)
Rainbow 'Mid The Willows (Patrick Street)
Rainbow Over the Hill (Richard Thompson, Albion Band)
Rainbow Rider (Tanya Tucker)
Rainbow Song (Merle Haggard)
Rainbow Valley (The Herd)
Raincloud (The Lighthouse Family)
Raindrops (pop song)
Raindrops (group)
Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head (BJ Thomas)
Rainin' In My Heart (Jo-El Sonnier)
Raining in Baltimore (Counting Crows)
Raining in my Heart (Bobby Vinton: Crickets)
Raining on our Love (Shania Twain)
Rainy Day (Guster)
Rainy Day People (Gordon Lightfoot)
Rainy Day Women (Bob Dylan)
Rainy Day Women (Waylon Jennings)
Rainy Days and Mondays (Carpenters)
Rainy Girl (Tanya Tucker)
Rainy Night in Georgia (Brook Benton)
Rainy Nights and Memories (Don Williams)
Reach the Rock (Havana 3 A.M.)
Red Hill Mining Town (U2)
Red Rain (Peter Gabriel)
Red River Valley (traditional)
Remember Walkin' in the Sand (ShangriLas)
Respect the Wind (Eddie and Alex VanHalen)
Rhapsody in the Rain (Lou Christie>
Rhinestone Cowboy (Glenn Campbell)
Rhythm of the Rain (Cascades)
Riddles in the Sand (Jimmy Buffett album)
Ride Across the River (Dire Straits)
Ride Like the Wind (Christopher Cross)
Ride the Lightning (Metallica)
Ride the Wild Surf (Jan & Dean)
Ride the Wind (Poison)
Ride the Wind to Me (Julie Miller)
Riders on the Storm (Doors)
Ridin' the Storm Out (REO Speedwagon)
Riding With the Wind (Matt Bianco)
Rising Creek Bluegrass Band (artist)
River (Enya)
River Deep, Mountain High (Motown classic)
River of Dreams (Billy Joel)
River of Endless Love (Moody Blues)
River of Love (B.W. Stevenson)
River So Wide (Phil Collins)
Rockin' With The Rhythm of the Rain (Judds)
Rock Island Line (Lonnie Donegan)
Rock of Ages (hymn)
Rock You Like A Hurricane (Scorpions)
Rocks (Aerosmith album)
Rocks in the Ocean (Al Stewart)
Rocky (film soundtrack)
Rocky Mountain Breakdown (Poco)
Rocky Mountain High (John Denver)
Rocky Mountain Way (Joe Walsh)
Rocky Raccoon (Beatles)
Rocky Top (traditional bluegrass song)
Rolling Ocean (Johnny Clegg and Savuka)
Rolling Stones (artist)
Ropin' the Wind (Garth Brooks album)
Rosa de los Vientos (Ruben Blades)
Roses in the Snow (Emmylou Harris)
Run Between The Raindrops (Pat Benatar)
Run River Run (Kenny Loggins?)
Running With The Wind (Kevin Chalfant album)
Sage and Sand (Wylie and the Wild West)
Sahara Snow (rock group featuring Rick Springfield)
Same Old Rain (Kevin Welch)
Sand and Water (Beth Nielsen Chapman)
Sand in the Vaseline (Talking Heads album)
Sand In Your Shoes (Al Stewart)
Sandbar Serenade (Sunny Jim White album)
Sands of Nevada (Mark Knopfler)
Sandstorm (Jerry Fochtmann)
Sandstorm (artist)
Santa Monica Sunshine (The Sweet)
Sea Cruise (recorded by several artists)
Sea of Love (various artists recorded this)
Seaside Woman (Suzy and the Red Stripes)
Seawind (jazz fusion group)
Second Home By The Sea (Genesis)
Seven Seas of Rye (Queen)
Shadows in the Rain (Sting)
She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft (Jerry Reed)
She's A Rainbow (Rolling Stones)
She's Like the Wind (Patrick Swayze)
She Steers by Lightning (Richard Thompson)
Shifting Sand (Caedmon's Call)
Shotgun Down the Avalanche (Shawn Colvin)
Silver Rainbow (Genesis)
Silvery Rain (Olivia Newton-John)
Silver Springs - Fleetwood Mac
Singin' in the Rain (Fred Astaire)
Sky Blue and Black (Jackson Browne)
Slow Rivers (Elton John)
Smog (artist name)
Smoke From a Distant Fire (Sanford-Townsend Band)
Smoke on the Water (Deep Purple [and many marching bands…])
Smokey (artist)
Smokey Robinson (artist)
Smoky Mountain Rain (Ronnie Milsap)
Snow (artist)
Snow Flake (Jim Reeves)
Snow Girl (Haircut One Hundred)
Snow in July (Chris Gaines aka Garth Brooks)
Snow on the Sahara (Anggun) </P)
Snowbird (Ann Murray)
Snowblind (Black Sabbath)
Snowbound (Genesis)
Snowbound (Donald Fagen)
Snowfall (Tony Bennett)
Snowfall in the Sahara (Natalie Cole)
Snowy White (artist)
Soil Festivities (Vangelis album)
Solid Rock (Dire Straits)
Solsbury Hill (Peter Gabriel)
Some Days Are Diamonds [Some Days Are Stone] (John Denver)
Something In The Air (Nightwing)
Sometimes the Rain Won't Let Me Sleep (Oak Ridge Boys)
Somewhere Over The Rainbow (from the movie)
Son of the Beach (Mark Northey album)
Songs from the Rain (Hothouse Flowers album)
Songs Out of Clay (Al Stewart)
Sons of Beaches (Bellamy Brothers album)
Sound of Aeolian Harps (Windsongs album)
Sound of Wind-Driven Rain (Will Ackerman)
South Wind of Summer (Flatlanders)
Southern Rain (Mel Tillis)
Southern Winds (Maria Muldaur)
Sparkle in the Rain (Simple Minds album)
Spring Rain (Silvetti)
St. Elmo's Fire (John Parr)
Stand A Little Rain (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band)
Stand on the Rock (Fleetwood Mac)
Standing on Higher Ground (Alan Parsons Project)
Steal My Sunshine (Len)
Steel Breeze (artist)
Stepping Stone (Lari White)
Stereotomy (Alan Parsons Project)
Stone Canyon Band (Rick Nelson's band)
Stone City Band (Rick James's band)
Stone Cold Crazy (Queen)
Stone Gossard (musician)
Stone in Love (Supremes)
Stone of Sisyphus (Chicago)
Stone Roses (artist)
Stone Temple Pilots (artist)
Stones In The Road (Joan Baez, MaryChapin Carpenter)
Stoney End (Barbra Streisand)
Storm (rock group)
Storm Front (Billy Joel)
Storms (Grace Jones)
Storms (Nanci Griffith album)
Storms in Africa (Enya)
Stormwind (Europe)
Stormy Blues (Billie Holiday)
Stormy Weather (Lena Horne)
Stranded On A Sandbar (Jimmy Buffett)
Strange Weather (Tom Waits: Marianne Faithful)
Stratosfear (Tangerine Dream)
Strong, Strong Wind (Heart)
Sugar Hill Gang (artist)
Summer Breeze (Seals and Crofts)
Summer Rain (Johnny Rivers)
Summer Sand (Tony Orlando and Dawn)
Summer Wind (Frank Sinatra)
Summer Wind (Desert Rose Band)
Sunny (Georgie Fame)
Sunny Afternoon (Kinks, Jimmy Buffett)
Sunny Came Home (Shawn Colvin)
Sunny Days Again (Lighthouse)
Sunny Side of the Mountain (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band)
Sunny Side of the Street (pop classic)
Sunshine (Brian Wilson)
Sunshine (Jonathan Edwards)
Sunshine of Your Love (Cream)
Sunshine on a Rainy Day (Christine Anu: other artist)
Sunshine on my Shoulders (John Denver)
Sunshine Superman (Donovan)
Surf City (Beach Boys)
Sweet Sunshower (Chris Cornell)
Take Me To The River (Al Green, Talking Heads, other artists)
Take This Rain (Jackson Browne)
Tales from Topographic Oceans (Yes album)
Talk To Me Like The Rain (Patti Scialfa)
Talking Dust Bowl Blues (Woody Guthrie)
Tambourine Mountain (Rick Price album)
Tea In The Sahara (Police)
Teardrops Fall Like Rain (Crickets)
Tears of Stone (the Chieftains)
Texas Flood (Stevie Ray Vaughan album)
Texas Tornado (Doug Sahm)
Texas Tornado (Tracy Lawrence)
Texas Tornadoes (artist)
That Rock Won't Roll (Restless Heart)
That Ol' Wind (Garth Brooks)
The Air is Getting Slippery (Primus)
The Air that I Breathe (Hollies)
The Chill Eastern Winds (Silly Wizard)
The Coldest Winter in Memory (Al Stewart)
The Dark and the Rolling Sea (Al Stewart)
The Dust Brothers (artist)
The Great Dust Storm (Woody Guthrie)
The Heart to Climb the Mountain (Randy Travis)
The Heat Goes On (Asia)
The Hill Where the Lord Lives (Chuck Magione)
The Lee Shore (Crosby, Stills and Nash)
The Mountains Win Again (Blues Traveler)
The Ocean (Led Zeppelin)
The Philosopher's Stone (Van Morrison album)
The Rain Came Down (Steve Earle)
The Rain Came Down on Everything (Roy Wood)
The Rain King (Counting Crows)
The Rain, The Park and Other Things (Cowsills)
The Rainsong (Matt Musselman)
The Rainy Season (Marc Cohn)
The River (Bruce Springsteen)
The River (Garth Brooks)
The River (Rankin Family)
The River God (John Williams)
The River Runs Low (Bruce Hornsby and the Range)
The Rivers of Belief (Enigma)
The Rock (Harry Chapin)
The Sand and the Sea (Nat King Cole)
The Sand Sound of the Wind (Jules Shear)
The Storm (4th Movement of Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony)
The Sun Never Shines on the Lonely (Redbone)
The Thin Ice (Pink Floyd)
The Thunder Rolls (Garth Brooks)
The Tornadoes (artist)
The Water is Wide (traditional folk song)
The Weather is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful (Jimmy Buffett)
The Whispering Wind (Mandy Barnett)
The Wind (Cat Stevens)
The Wind Cries Mary (Jimi Hendrix)
The Wind's Dominion (Butch Hancock album)
There Is A Breeze (Michael Johnson album)
Thin Ice (Little River Band)
Third Rock From The Sun (Joe Diffie)
Third Stone From the Sun (Jimi Hendrix)
Thunder (Prince)
Thunder and Lightning (Chi Coltrane)
Thunder and Lightning (Chicago)
Thunder and Lightning (Gamma)
Thunder and Roses (Mindy McCready song: Pam Tillis album)
Thunder Chord (Coyote Oldman album)
Thunder in my Heart (Leo Sayer)
Thunder Island (Jay Ferguson)
Thunder Road (Bruce Springsteen)
Thunderball (Tom Jones)
Thunderclap Newman (artist)
Thundercrack (Bruce Springsteen)
Thunderdome (Tina Turner)
Thunderhead (Malcolm Dalglish album)
Thundering Herd (Woody Herman's big band)
Thunderstorms and Neon Signs (Wayne Hancock album)
Thunderstruck (AC/DC)
Time Is an Ocean (Paul Simon)
Time To Come In Out of the Rain (Chi Coltrane)
Tommy Sands (artist)
Tracks in the Dust (Crosby, Stills and Nash)
Trapped Under Ice (Metallica)
Tropical Depression (Gonna Blow my Heart Away) (Alan Jackson)
Tryin' to Reason with Hurricane Season (Jimmy Buffett)
Tsunami (Manic Street Preachers)
Tsunami (GangBangs UK)
Tulare Dust (Tom Russell)
Tullamore Dew (Dan Fogelberg)
Turn to Stone (ELO)
Twistin' in the Wind (Joe Ely album)
Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (Tanya Tucker)
Uncloudy Day (traditional gospel tune)
Under A Blood-Red Sky (U2)
Under African Skies (Paul Simon)
Under the Mountain- Oregon
Under the Red Sky (Bob Dylan album)
Up A Lazy River- Si Zentner
Up On The Hill (Jimmy Buffett)
Up on the Ridge (Joe Ely)
Valley Road (Bruce Hornsby)
Vanilla Ice (artist)
Vapors (artist)
Velvet Underground (artist)
Vince Hill (artist)
Voices in the Wind (Suzy Bogguss album)
Volcano (Jimmy Buffett)
Volcano (Presidents of the U.S.A.)
Waiting on the Wind (Pam Tillis)
Wake of the Flood (Grateful Dead album)
Walk Me In The Rain (Girls Next Door)
Walking In the Rain (Walker Brothers)
Walking on Ice (Keats)
Walking on Sunshine (Katrina and the Waves)
Warm Breeze (Andrew Gold album)
Warm Front (Billy Joe Walker Jr.)
Warm Place in the Snow (Jon Anderson)
Wasn't That A Mighty Storm (traditional folk song about Galveston hurricane)
Waterfalls (TLC)
Wayward Wind (traditional)
We Work The Black Seam (Police)
Weather Girls (artist)
Weather Report (jazz fusion group)
Weather With You (Split Enz)
West Texas Winds (Jane Begley)
Whatever Way the Wind Blows (Kelly Willis)
When Sunny Gets Blue (classic jazz song)
When The Fog Comes Rolling In- Stack of Bones
When The Levee Breaks (Led Zeppelin) When The Coast is Clear (Jimmy Buffett)
When the Rain Comes Down (Cathy Fink and Marcy Marxer)
When The Rainbow Comes (World Party)
When The Rainbow Comes (Shawn Colvin)
When The Stone Begins to Turn (Jackson Browne)
When Will It Rain (Jackyl)
Where the River Flows (Collective Soul)
White Rock (Rick Wakeman)
White Lightning (Def Leppard)
White Lightning (George Jones)
Who'll Stop the Rain (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
Why Does It Always Rain On Me? (Travis)
Wild is the Wind (David Bowie)
Wild is the Wind (Johnny Mathis)
Wild is the Wind (George Michael: remake of one of the above?)
Wild Wild Sea (Sting)
Wind ('60s studio group featuring Tony Orlando)
Wind (Matt Musselman)
Windchase (Sebastian Hardie album)
Windsong (John Denver)
Wind and Whispers (Michael Jones album)
Wind Beneath my Wings (recorded by many artists)
Wind in the Lonely Fences (Harold Budd and Brian Eno)
Wind in the Willows (Blackmore's Night)
Wind in the Wire (Randy Travis)
Wind of Change (Peter Frampton)
Wind of Change (Scorpions)
Wind on the Water (Crosby and Nash)
Winds of Change (Jefferson Starship)
Winds of Change (Fleetwood Mac)
Windsongs (artist)
Windy (The Association)
Windy City (Peter White
Windy Days and Dusty Skies (Joe Carr and Alan Munde)
Windy Town (Chris Rea)
Words in the Wind (Timothy Craig))
Working in the Coal Mine (Lee Dorsey; Devo)
Written in (the) Sand (Santana)
You Look Like Rain (Morphine)
You Love the Thunder (Jackson Browne)
You Love The Thunder, I Love The Rain (Hank Williams Jr.)