Friday, February 20, 2015

COMPUTERS: ARE THEY MALE OR FEMALE?

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'  'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1.. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model...

The women won.

Friday, February 13, 2015

COLONOSCOPY HUMOR

This list has been going around for a while: alleged actual comments made by patients (predominately male) about to undergo (or immediately after) colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

2. "Find the missing Malaysian airliner in there?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Oh boy! That was sphincterrific!"

5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

6. "You know in Arkansas we're now legally married."

7. "Any sign of Amelia Earhart, Doc?"

8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

11. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

12. "You used to be an executive at Enron didn't you?" 




13. "This reminds me of my last IRS audit!" 

And the best one of them all...

14. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is in fact not up there?"

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Sunday, February 1, 2015

SUPER BOWL PREDICTION

TOM GILL PREDICTS that today's Super Bowl will NOT be a close game: the victorious team will win by at least 12 points.