YOU KNOW YOU USE THE INTERNET TOO MUCH WHEN...

This week we revisit a TGP from over thirteen years ago.  Seems like back then, we were still addicted to the 'Net, but read this and think about how some things have changed.



TOM GILL PREDICTS-  Volume Fifteen, Number Ninety
March 18, 2002
Now bringing you the best Internet humor almost every week!
A presentation of TGP INTERNATIONAL
Editor: Tom Gill
**************************************************************************
"Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."

YOU KNOW YOU USE THE INTERNET TOO MUCH WHEN:

>       >> 1. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check
>       >> your e-mail on the way back to bed.
>       >>
>       >> 2. You name your children eudora, aol and dotcom.
>       >>
>       >> 3. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as
>       >> if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
>       >>
>       >> 4. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your
>       >> lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
>       >>
>       >> 5. You laugh at people with modems.
>       >>
>       >> 6. You start using smileys in your snail mail.
>       >>
>       >> 7. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using
>       >> a word processor.com
>       >>
>       >> 8. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
>       >>
>       >> 9. You can't call your mother...she doesn't even have a modem.
>       >>
>       >> 10. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check
>       >> it again.
>       >>
>       >> 11. You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are
>       >> because they have neutral screen names and you never bothered to
>       >> ask.
>       >>
>       >> 12. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you
>       >> landscape.
>       >>
>       >> 13. You tell the cab driver you live at
>       >> http://1000.edison.st/house/brick.html
>       >>
>       >> 14. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)

Prepare Three Envelopes...

The CEO had resigned in disgrace, and was leaving his office holding a box of this things when the new CEO arrived to take over.

The outgoing executive told his replacement that it was a tough job, and if she needed help, there were three envelopes in the top drawer of the desk that would help her -- "but only open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the beaten man said.

The new CEO calmed things down and everything went fine, until the company hit a snag -- just before the Board of Directors' Annual Meeting. She heard rumors that the Board was unhappy with her performance and, not sure what to do, she opened her desk drawer and pulled out the first envelope. The message inside read, "Blame your predecessor."

The new CEO went to the Board meeting and tactfully laid the blame on the previous CEO. Sure enough, within weeks, sales picked up and the problems were soon behind her.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a dip in sales and a product recall. Sure enough, it was right before the annual meeting, so she opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." The company's troubles were forgotten at the Board meeting as the CEO laid out her plan to streamline operations.

Sure enough, the next year the company again was starting to falter just before the annual Board meeting, so the CEO went to her office, closed the door, and opened the third envelope.

The message said, "Prepare three envelopes...."

GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING THE BRITISH

This has been going around the Internet this week...