YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN EL PASO WHEN...

You know that the only two seasons are summer and Christmas.

You know it's the first day of Spring because the wind gusts hit 50 mph.

You know that it only snows if it was at least 75 the day before.

You see more CHIH MEX than Texas license plates.

You can get sunburned and wind burned in the same hour.

You can give a stranger exact directions to your favorite disco in Juarez.

You hear that anyone who lives on the West side drives a BMW and all the people on the East side are gangsters.

The only national monuments you have been to are White Sands and the Chamizal.

You have a least four T-shirts that have "In loving memory" on the back.

You know where the "real" first Thanksgiving took place.

You grew up thinking Western Playland was the place to be in the summer.

You have tried to fry an egg on the sidewalk in July.

You invest a great deal of money in hair spray in the spring.

The only thing you stocked up on for Y2K were tortillas.

You know what all those letters on the mountain stand for.

You can see three different states and two countries from your backyard.

The first place you go when you come back in town is Chico's Tacos.

When you are lost in Juarez at night, you can always find your way back by looking for the star on the mountain.

You have talked about leaving for about ten years, but you are still here. 

If there is no sun for two days in a row you think that it is the sign of the apocalypse. 

You are mesmerized by the decorations that spin and move and turn colors on Interstate 10. 

You think that anyone with Texan accent is a foreigner.

You no longer associate bridges with water. 

You can say 110 degrees without fainting. 

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. 

You discover that in July it takes only two fingers to drive your car.

You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window. 

You know the best parking place is determined by shade 
instead of distance.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You get claustrophobic from simply looking at more than four trees.

Your front lawn doesn't' have grass but rocks. 

You dragged all of your friends and family from out of town to go see Viva El Paso.

You understand and relate to George Lopez.

Instead of boiling Easter eggs, you drain the yolk out, paint them, stuff them with confetti and then crack them on people's heads.