From multiple various sources:
Doctor: I had a patient tell me, "I am allergic to cats. I am getting a cat. Would you give me a vaccination?
Doctor: I had a patient whose complaint was "My skin is soft."
Doctor: I had a woman come in with her teenage boy. "Doctor, something must be horribly wrong with my son. I have looked and looked, but I can't find any porn on his computer. What healthy fifteen year old boy doesn't have porn on his computer?"
Doctor: A patient’s son got into a verbal altercation with me over the fact that I was trying to “freeze his mother to death.” He kept pointing to the digital thermostat displaying a temperature of 23 degrees Celsius (we’re in the U.S.). When I explained to him that 23 C is not at all cold, he just kept pointing to the display & shouting, “You don’t think 23 degrees is cold?! It’s 23 F*CKING DEGREES IN HERE!” & acting insane. After multiple attempts to explain to him what Celsius is, we finally gave up & had him escorted out. He was a man in at least his late-30’s who graduated from high school and had never heard of Celsius & Fahrenheit.
Doctor: Had a lady measure her baby’s temperature by pre-heating the oven and putting one hand in front of it while the other hand was on the baby’s forehead. She told the nurse her baby’s fever was about 250 degrees.
Nurse: I handed the patient a urine specimen container and directed him to the bathroom. A few minutes later, the patient comes out of the bathroom. “Thanks,” he says, returning the empty container. “But there was a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all.”
Doctor: My patient announced she had good news … and bad. “The medicine for my earache worked,” she said. “What’s the bad news?” I asked. “It tasted horrible.” Since she was feeling better, I didn’t have the heart to tell her she was actually supposed to put the drops in his ear.
Nurse; I was admitting a guy to the hospital. I can't really remember what for but he was obese and was suffering from diabetes and heart disease, I'm at the computer going over some admission questions with him and his 10 family members who are crowded in the room with him. A few minutes in he starts complaining that he's thirsty. He needs something to drink RIGHT NOW. So I get on my phone and call the nurse assistant and ask her to bring in some ice water. As soon as the words are out of my mouth the whole family screams "NOOOO! NO WATER! HE'S ALLERGIC TO WATER!" Turns out the guy had been drinking nothing but Sprite and sweet tea for years because of his "water allergy".
A car belonging to a patient was broken into. The only thing that was stolen was a brown paper bag. It turns out, that’s where she was keeping her urine sample, which she’d brought in to be tested.
Patient: Doctor, I slipped in the grocery store and really hurt myself.
Doctor: Where did you get hurt?
Patient: Aisle six.
Patient: I’m sorry to have so many questions.
Doctor: Oh, that’s no problem. You always can ask for clarification when you need it.
Patient: Oh, thank you very much, Clara! You’ve been very helpful.
Doctor: I am a family practitioner and I had a family not want to vaccinate their newborn because they heard that vaccines were derived from monkeys brains and they didn't want their child to develop monkey like characteristics.
Patient: The day after I had surgery on my leg, a nurse came into my hospital room with a box in her hand. “Are you ready for this?”
“What is it?” I asked.
“Fleet enema. Didn’t your doctor tell you about it?”
“No.”
She rechecked the orders. “Oh, sorry! It said feet elevated!”
Dentist: A man came in with a hard object coming out of the back of his gum. He said that at lunch a new tooth had suddenly erupted out of his mouth. Since the patient was 23 years old and had his wisdom teeth removed years ago, I explained to him that I was skeptical. It turned out to be a piece of a tortilla chip.
Doctor: I had a patient tell me, "I am allergic to cats. I am getting a cat. Would you give me a vaccination?
Doctor: I had a patient whose complaint was "My skin is soft."
Doctor: I had a woman come in with her teenage boy. "Doctor, something must be horribly wrong with my son. I have looked and looked, but I can't find any porn on his computer. What healthy fifteen year old boy doesn't have porn on his computer?"
Doctor: A patient’s son got into a verbal altercation with me over the fact that I was trying to “freeze his mother to death.” He kept pointing to the digital thermostat displaying a temperature of 23 degrees Celsius (we’re in the U.S.). When I explained to him that 23 C is not at all cold, he just kept pointing to the display & shouting, “You don’t think 23 degrees is cold?! It’s 23 F*CKING DEGREES IN HERE!” & acting insane. After multiple attempts to explain to him what Celsius is, we finally gave up & had him escorted out. He was a man in at least his late-30’s who graduated from high school and had never heard of Celsius & Fahrenheit.
Doctor: Had a lady measure her baby’s temperature by pre-heating the oven and putting one hand in front of it while the other hand was on the baby’s forehead. She told the nurse her baby’s fever was about 250 degrees.
Nurse: I handed the patient a urine specimen container and directed him to the bathroom. A few minutes later, the patient comes out of the bathroom. “Thanks,” he says, returning the empty container. “But there was a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all.”
Doctor: My patient announced she had good news … and bad. “The medicine for my earache worked,” she said. “What’s the bad news?” I asked. “It tasted horrible.” Since she was feeling better, I didn’t have the heart to tell her she was actually supposed to put the drops in his ear.
Nurse; I was admitting a guy to the hospital. I can't really remember what for but he was obese and was suffering from diabetes and heart disease, I'm at the computer going over some admission questions with him and his 10 family members who are crowded in the room with him. A few minutes in he starts complaining that he's thirsty. He needs something to drink RIGHT NOW. So I get on my phone and call the nurse assistant and ask her to bring in some ice water. As soon as the words are out of my mouth the whole family screams "NOOOO! NO WATER! HE'S ALLERGIC TO WATER!" Turns out the guy had been drinking nothing but Sprite and sweet tea for years because of his "water allergy".
A car belonging to a patient was broken into. The only thing that was stolen was a brown paper bag. It turns out, that’s where she was keeping her urine sample, which she’d brought in to be tested.
Patient: Doctor, I slipped in the grocery store and really hurt myself.
Doctor: Where did you get hurt?
Patient: Aisle six.
Patient: I’m sorry to have so many questions.
Doctor: Oh, that’s no problem. You always can ask for clarification when you need it.
Patient: Oh, thank you very much, Clara! You’ve been very helpful.
Doctor: I am a family practitioner and I had a family not want to vaccinate their newborn because they heard that vaccines were derived from monkeys brains and they didn't want their child to develop monkey like characteristics.
Patient: The day after I had surgery on my leg, a nurse came into my hospital room with a box in her hand. “Are you ready for this?”
“What is it?” I asked.
“Fleet enema. Didn’t your doctor tell you about it?”
“No.”
She rechecked the orders. “Oh, sorry! It said feet elevated!”
Dentist: A man came in with a hard object coming out of the back of his gum. He said that at lunch a new tooth had suddenly erupted out of his mouth. Since the patient was 23 years old and had his wisdom teeth removed years ago, I explained to him that I was skeptical. It turned out to be a piece of a tortilla chip.
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