Paraprosdokians

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

4. Some persons never really grow up -- they only learn how to act in public.

5. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

7. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

8. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

9. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of an emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."

10. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

11. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

12. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

13. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

14. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.