CAR CRASH EXCUSES

 These were allegedly taken from auto insurance forms and statements to police. 

They've been around since at least the 1980s.:

 "Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions."

 "I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my hand through it."

 "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

 "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face."

 "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

 "The guy was all over the road; I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

 "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed 

over the embankment."

 "In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

 "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home.  As I reached an 

intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.  I did not see the other guy."

 "I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had the accident."

 "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way 

causing me to have an accident."

 "As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no 

stop sign had ever appeared before.  I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."

 "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front of me, I struck the pedestrian."

 "My car was legally parked as I backed into the other vehicle."

 "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished."

 "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I 

had a fractured skull."

 "I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road 

when I struck him."

 "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran him over."

 "I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old man as he bounced off the hood of my car."

 "The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

 "I was thrown from my car as it left the road.  I was later found in a ditch by 

some stray cows."

 "The telephone pole was approaching.  I was attempting to swerve out of the way, 

when it struck my front end."