* Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good
look at my face when I took your purse?"
* Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
* Witness: "July 15th."
* Lawyer: "What year?"
* Witness: "Every year."
* Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your
house?"
* Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my
father that was stolen from the hall closet."
* Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?"
* Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the
side of it."
* Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?"
* Witness: "'Winchester'!"
* Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?"
* Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
* Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who
attacked you looked like?"
* Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
* Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
* Witness: "Er...his face."
* Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect
your memory at all?"
* Witness: "Yes."
* Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your
memory?"
* Witness: "I forget."
* Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of
something that you've forgotten?"
* Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with
you?"
* Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
remember which."
* Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
* Witness: "Forty-five years."
* Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said
to you when he woke that morning?"
* Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
* Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
* Witness: "My name is Susan."
* Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
* Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."
* Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
* Witness: "After the accident?"
* Lawyer: "Before the accident."
* Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went
to school for it."
* Lawyer: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant,
were your red and blue lights flashing?"
* Witness: "Yes."
* Lawyer: "Did the defendant say anything when she got
out of her car?"
* Witness: "Yes, sir."
* Lawyer: "What did she say?"
* Witness: "'What disco am I at?'"
* Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for a pulse?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was
alive when you began the autopsy?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
* Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in
a jar."
* Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive
nevertheless?"
* Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been
alive and practicing law somewhere in Oklahoma."
* Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time
of the collision?"
* Lawyer: "And you check your radar unit frequently?"
* Officer: "Yes, I do."
* Lawyer: "And was your radar unit functioning
correctly at the time you had the plaintiff on radar?"
* Officer: "Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly."
* Lawyer: "What happened then?"
* Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you
because you can identify me.'"
* Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and
honest man--"
* Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd
return the compliment."
* Witness: "He was about medium height and had a
beard."
* Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
* Lawyer: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate
honeymoon, didn't you?"
* Witness: "I went to Europe, sir."
* Lawyer: "And you took your new wife?"
* Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you
recognize that picture."
* Witness: "That's me."
* Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was
taken?"
* Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when
you were sworn in?"
* Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
* Witness: "Four times."
*Lawyer: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
*Witness: We both do.
*Lawyer: Voodoo?
*Witness: We do.
*Lawyer: You do?
*Witness: Yes, voodoo.
*Lawyer: Now, Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
*Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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