Thank Goodness for the
church ladies with typewriters. These sentences
actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to
cripple children.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water’. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping
around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the
congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a
friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and
listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and
to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the
basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket
and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their
electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to
cripple children.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water’. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping
around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the
congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a
friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and
listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and
to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the
basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket
and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their
electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
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