1. A young couple came in, both upset and confused about the
fact that the woman had become pregnant. They stressed the fact that they were
on birth control, specifically they were on the pill. However, before I could
say anything, the boyfriend quietly took me aside and explained to me that he
had been taking the pill instead of his girlfriend because “she had a weak
stomach and couldn’t take pills…”
2. These
weren’t patients of mine, but I once overheard the following conversation in
the waiting room:
Man 1: My
daughter is allergic to wheat.
Man 2: So
she can't eat bread or anything?
Man 1: We
only give her white bread.
Man 2: Oh
yeah, I guess bread only has wheat if it says it on there. Like whole wheat or
whatever.
Man 1: Yeah,
I guess.
Man 2: So
can she eat pizza?
Man 1: Only
cheese pizza.
3. A lady had to have her foot amputated and was given
waiver forms to sign pre-op. The patient is asked if she needs time to think
about her decision. She’s surprisingly calm and nonchalant, she doesn’t seem to
care much about what they do to her limb. The doctor gets suspicious and probes
a bit further, asking why she’s not more concerned. The patient says she
understands that they have to operate, but that “it’s okay because the foot
will grow back.” The doctor had to explain to the woman that she is not, in
fact, a salamander and entire feet are not toenails, and that limbs do not grow
back in humans.
4. I’m not actually a MEDICAL doctor. I have a PhD in Fine
Arts, but apparently lots of people think that just because I have a DOCTORATE
of Philosophy, it means they can ask me about their disgusting medical issues. I
can NOT prescribe you medication, and I will NOT look at your rash.
5. I once had a meeting with a patient about their diet and
nutritional intake. I ended up having to explain to this person that, no,
Coca-cola is NOT in fact a vegetable. Just because it says "contains
vegetable extracts" on the side of a can of Coke does not mean it can
count as one of your “five veggies a day…”
6. Paramedic here, I
have had to inform numerous people that pouring Gatorade into the mouth of
unresponsive diabetics is not a good idea…
7. I’m a registered
nurse, not a doctor, but here’s the story: Patient was a newly diagnosed
diabetic who needed to be taught how to inject insulin. So the diabetes
educator did the good old routine of taking an orange, drawing up insulin, then
injecting it into the orange. He then made the patient repeat this practice
routine a few times. The patient goes home, etc. He comes back in a week and
his blood sugar is out of control. They ask him if he's been taking his insulin
and he goes "of course." So they decide to ask him to demonstrate how
he injects insulin. The patient goes "sure, I just need an orange." At
this point I started face palming hard because I know where this one is
heading. But of course they got him a orange and a vial of insulin with a syringe.
So the guy draws up the insulin correctly, takes the syringe, injects it into
the orange, and then says "and then I eat the orange." At this point
I had to walk out because I nearly lost it right there…
8. Not a doctor, but a good friend of mine is. He once told
that he had to explain to one of his patients that regular bandaids do not cure
anything at all, but just cover up a wound. The patient in question had tried
to cure her recently diagnosed Type-II diabetes by sticking bandaids all over
herself...
9. Another lady I was
seeing for clinicals was diabetic, and she would come in every week with stupid
high blood sugar levels (250-560ish), not knowing why they were so high. She
kept a record of everything she ate, and all her food intake seemed fine. One
day, her husband came with her, which was weird, and he ninja slipped me a note
while shaking my hand. It read, "Ask her about the Quiktrip slushies. She
doesn't believe me that they have sugar in them." So I asked her if she
was having any soda, lemonade, tea, ice cream, shakes or slushies, and she told
me, like a light bulb had gone off in her head, "Well, I have been
drinking about 3 of the 48oz Quiktrip slushies every day for awhile now.
They're just so good! And they arn't food or drink, they're slushies! So they
don't have any sugar in them, and I don't need to record them!" It was so
hard to convince her that those are so full of sugar it isn't even funny.
10. I'm not an M.D. but I am an optometrist. Recently, I had
to tell a patient that no, you should not attempt to continue wearing a contact
lens that was dropped in the toilet! Maybe that’s where your eye infection came
from?
11. A woman came in
for a well baby check with her 6 month old and she had what looked like
chocolate milk in the baby's bottle. The doctor started explaining to her as
kindly as he could that she shouldn't be giving her baby chocolate milk, at
which point she interrupts him and says "oh that isn't chocolate milk. Its
coffee! He just loves it!"
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