(Original source unknown, compiled from messages forwarded to me by various people)
6. A woman came in for an infant health check with her six-month old and she had what looked like chocolate milk in the baby's bottle. The doctor started explaining to her as kindly as he could that she shouldn't be giving her baby chocolate milk, at which point she interrupts him and says "Oh, no, that isn't chocolate milk, I'd never give that to him, chocolate milk is full of sugar. No, it's coffee! He just loves it!"
1. Overheard in a waiting room:
Man 1: My daughter is allergic to wheat.
Man 2: So she can't eat bread or anything?
Man 1: We only give her white bread.
Man 2: Oh yeah, I guess bread only has wheat if it says it on there. Like whole wheat or whatever.
Man 1: Yeah, I guess.
Man 2: So can she eat pizza?
Man 1: Only cheese pizza.
Man 1: We only give her white bread.
Man 2: Oh yeah, I guess bread only has wheat if it says it on there. Like whole wheat or whatever.
Man 1: Yeah, I guess.
Man 2: So can she eat pizza?
Man 1: Only cheese pizza.
2. Patient was a newly diagnosed diabetic who needed to be taught how to inject insulin. So the diabetes educator did the good old routine of taking an orange, drawing up insulin, then injecting it into the orange. He then made the patient repeat this practice routine a few times.
The patient comes back in a week and his blood sugar is out of control. They ask him if he's been taking his insulin and he goes "of course." So they decide to ask him to demonstrate how he injects insulin. The patient goes "sure, I just need an orange."
At this point I started face palming hard because I know where this one is heading. But of course they got him a orange and a vial of insulin with a syringe. So the guy draws up the insulin correctly, takes the syringe, injects it into the orange, and says "and then I eat the orange."
The patient comes back in a week and his blood sugar is out of control. They ask him if he's been taking his insulin and he goes "of course." So they decide to ask him to demonstrate how he injects insulin. The patient goes "sure, I just need an orange."
At this point I started face palming hard because I know where this one is heading. But of course they got him a orange and a vial of insulin with a syringe. So the guy draws up the insulin correctly, takes the syringe, injects it into the orange, and says "and then I eat the orange."
3. I’m not a medical doctor. I have a PhD in History, but apparently lots of people think that just because I have a DOCTORATE of Philosophy, it means they can ask me about their disgusting medical issues. I can't prescribe you medication, and I won't look at your rash.
4. A woman had to have her foot amputated and was given waiver forms to sign before the surgery. The patient is asked if she needs time to think about her decision. She’s surprisingly calm and nonchalant, she doesn't seem to worry much that she is losing her limb. The doctor gets suspicious and probes a bit further, asking why she’s not more concerned. The patient says she understands that they have to operate, but that “it’s okay, I know the foot grows back.” At which point the surgeon explained to the woman that she is a human, not a lizard.
4. A woman had to have her foot amputated and was given waiver forms to sign before the surgery. The patient is asked if she needs time to think about her decision. She’s surprisingly calm and nonchalant, she doesn't seem to worry much that she is losing her limb. The doctor gets suspicious and probes a bit further, asking why she’s not more concerned. The patient says she understands that they have to operate, but that “it’s okay, I know the foot grows back.” At which point the surgeon explained to the woman that she is a human, not a lizard.
5. A couple came in, both upset and confused about the fact that the woman had become pregnant. They stressed the fact that they were on birth control, specifically they were on "the pill." However, before I could say anything, the boyfriend quietly took me aside and explained to me that his girlfriend “has a weak stomach and can’t take pills" so he was taking them instead.
6. A woman came in for an infant health check with her six-month old and she had what looked like chocolate milk in the baby's bottle. The doctor started explaining to her as kindly as he could that she shouldn't be giving her baby chocolate milk, at which point she interrupts him and says "Oh, no, that isn't chocolate milk, I'd never give that to him, chocolate milk is full of sugar. No, it's coffee! He just loves it!"
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