Original source unknown... these have been going around the medical community for years.
1.These weren’t patients of mine, but I once overheard the following conversation in the waiting room:
Man 1: My daughter is allergic to wheat.
Man 2: So she can't eat bread or anything?
Man 1: We only give her white bread.
Man 2: Oh yeah, I guess bread only has wheat if it says it on there. Like whole wheat or whatever.
Man 1: Yeah, I guess.
Man 2: So can she eat pizza?
Man 1: Only cheese pizza.
2. A lady had to have her foot amputated and was given waiver forms to sign pre-op. The patient is asked if she needs time to think about her decision. She’s surprisingly calm and nonchalant, she doesn’t seem to care much about what they do to her limb.
The doctor gets suspicious and probes a bit further, asking why she’s not more concerned. The patient says she understands that they have to operate, but that “it’s okay because the foot will grow back.”
The doctor had to explain to the woman that she is not, in fact, a salamander and that limbs do not grow back in humans.
3. My favorite patient story is particularly funny because I’m not actually a medical doctor. I have a PhD in Fine Arts, but apparently lots of people think that just because I have a DOCTORATE of Philosophy, it means they can ask me about their disgusting medical issues… I can NOT prescribe you medication, and I will NOT look at your rash.
4. I once had a meeting with a patient about their diet and nutritional intake. I ended up having to explain to this person that, no, Coca-Cola is NOT in fact a vegetable. Just because it says "contains vegetable extracts" on the side of a can of Coke does not mean it can count as one of your “five servings of veggies a day…”
5. Paramedic here, I have had to inform numerous people that pouring Gatorade into the mouth of unresponsive diabetics is not a good idea…
Man 2: So she can't eat bread or anything?
Man 1: We only give her white bread.
Man 2: Oh yeah, I guess bread only has wheat if it says it on there. Like whole wheat or whatever.
Man 1: Yeah, I guess.
Man 2: So can she eat pizza?
Man 1: Only cheese pizza.
2. A lady had to have her foot amputated and was given waiver forms to sign pre-op. The patient is asked if she needs time to think about her decision. She’s surprisingly calm and nonchalant, she doesn’t seem to care much about what they do to her limb.
The doctor gets suspicious and probes a bit further, asking why she’s not more concerned. The patient says she understands that they have to operate, but that “it’s okay because the foot will grow back.”
The doctor had to explain to the woman that she is not, in fact, a salamander and that limbs do not grow back in humans.
3. My favorite patient story is particularly funny because I’m not actually a medical doctor. I have a PhD in Fine Arts, but apparently lots of people think that just because I have a DOCTORATE of Philosophy, it means they can ask me about their disgusting medical issues… I can NOT prescribe you medication, and I will NOT look at your rash.
4. I once had a meeting with a patient about their diet and nutritional intake. I ended up having to explain to this person that, no, Coca-Cola is NOT in fact a vegetable. Just because it says "contains vegetable extracts" on the side of a can of Coke does not mean it can count as one of your “five servings of veggies a day…”
5. Paramedic here, I have had to inform numerous people that pouring Gatorade into the mouth of unresponsive diabetics is not a good idea…
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